Yo I'm just eating dinner now. U ready to go out?
Ya ya. Where you eating?
Cereal and beer. U kno u want in.
Im gonna name my vag after egypt, "the valley of kings"
Pretty girls always come out on top. Or bottom. Whatever. Point is we come out with their boyfriends.
please come get me his dick is out. i'm sitting on his couch and his dick is out. come now
no one should ever give us hovercrafts
we thought you were sober enough for a movie but you took one look at emily blunt and screamed "aw this bitch?!" and passed out 30 seconds later
Im covered in vodka and melted gummys. Fuck summer.
Pretty sure I just convinced a drunk guy at the train station that I was from the future
I'm going for high school drunk, you've got 15 minutes to get here.
I left my bra and a book at his place. He's a hot Scandinavian who is into physics and computers - had to step up my game.
And then we made magical love in his room under a blacklight as his roommate and girlfriend argued violently in the living room
Things I Learned Tonight: I have no future in goat wrangling. Herding. Whatever you call the ridiculosity that just transpired.
being single and having a boyfriend 300 miles away is eerily similar. never skipped a beat eating hot wings in my bed with no pants or masturbating every day.
Tell me why i have 60 matches in 72 hours on tinder. Can i sell my tinder account like people used to sell their myspace pages and tumblrs when they had a lot of followers? Is that a thing?
I've never seen so much of my blood outside me. After the initial shock it was kind of cool.
Randomize
