APPARENTLY giving your friend one of your shoes so that you avoid the no shoes no service rule makes you drunk...
im eating kix cereal and taking shots by myself. please come hang out with me. im desperate
I don't care how old I am, if it's your 21st birthday I'm going to make out with you.
Every time I roll over in bed I land on a different vibrator. I feel I'm the only one with this problem.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You are not allowed to borrow my car ever again. It smells like a hobo orgy happened in my backseat with a hint of onion. What did you do.
Using your ex girlfriend's little brother to pick up women at the a&p: priceless
Model at car show < day drinking with your favorite sister. Get your head in the fucking game Christopher.
showering high made me realize that i should seriously reconsider my career path... id be a damn good hair shampooer & head massager
Good news: you're over the drunk crying life phase. Bad news: now you're handy and violent. You were groping me from behind in front of the guy you like, then you put me in a headlock and swept the leg.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We'll never be able to grow apart now. You can't look at a stranger & say "Yea I ate goldfish crackers off his dick." & just be casual about that.
Can someone explain to me why guys are so fascinated w their dicks that they feel like they'll die if they don't send unsolicited dick pics
how do i act around someone who's shoes i puked in while naked and blackout?
You know you're high when you find yourself sitting on the floor with the refrigerator door open, talking to various foods. Hand gestures and all.
I just found an entire bag of French fries under the seat of my car labeled "For emergency use only" drunk me is always planning ahead.
I don't know, all I remember is waking up at 4 in the morning to him going down on me.
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