listen. just hotwire a car, take off the license plate, make up a new one on a sheet of paper and go the speed limit. i do it like, at least 3x a week.
Oh. He liked you.
Then you said "Are you asian?, I didn't know there was Asians in Colorado."
Some guy shouted fuck america during the national anthem, i decked him. They threw him out. USA USA USA!
she wants me to meet her parents and she hasn't even met my penis yet.
I'm sober enough to realize she looks like a man, but drunk enough to do it anyways
Remind me to tell you the one about the cashier that wouldn't sell me Jim Beam and NyQuil.
guess who's eating a vending machine cheese danish, has no panties on, and is still the classiest bitch at this bus stop?
I just want to curl up with him and brush his hair and sing love songs together, I think you should come over and end this
do you still have a key to my apartment? Without going into too much detail locked myself out naked on the patio, currently using a deck cushion to cover myself so kids walking home from school dont see me
I cNt phones. tingles in my fingles. jingles
Every time he asks me if I'm horny I'm just like come on...stupid question
Probably yeah. I mean maybe one day we can be those friends that hang out naked. Not awkard at all.
Well, he kept asking me if I was going to murder him once we got upstairs. It sort of killed the mood.
I have 2 phone numbers written on my vagina. I told you I shouldnt be left to my own devices after tequila shots.
we went to the skate park then back to her house for dinner, and somehow that ended with her making me blueberry pancakes at 2am
Randomize
