i'm saving my butt for my wedding night
is drinking for groundhog day legit?
well you blacked out on MLK day and we pregamed arbor day, so yes
the liquor store lady asked about three times if I was sure about buying two fifths of everclear. i told her I wanted to be on cops
shes in my pool wearing only floaties on her arms ill have to raincheck watching march madness with you guys sorry
While at warped tour today a girl was crowd surfing and her vagina landed in my face, I call that a successfull day.
You came back with four clearly unattractive women and wanted to throw a dance party in my room.
I just hit the bong during the whole bday song then blew the candles out with my exhale.
im so proud of her that she got shit faced finally. This must be what it feels like to see you kids get their diploma or some shit.
I really need to create fewer "the time I was on drugs" stories for my future memoir, "my first year in San Francisco".
good luck with that
Your headphones are on the door knob and I left you a burger on the door step.
Apparently after I threw up I put my socks in the toilet......
that's the second time I've left that bar and slept with the person that's driven my car. thank god I don't take cabs..
NO MAKING MOLDS OF ANYONES GENITALS
Fine. Suck all the fun out of life.
What am I even going to do with 20 more jello shots? And don't say give them to the cat
I'm still very high. To be blunt. No pun intended.
Randomize
