He had the Transformers symbol tattooed to his chest. We had to do it doggy style so I could laugh into my pillow instead of his face.
Now there are two cop cars. If I go to jail I just would like to thank you for making me wear boxers.
Get everyone into the kitchen. I need you all to witness me friend-zoning him. Just in case.
You were dancing around the clubbing yelling "best wingman ever" and raising your cast in the air
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I think I'm getting too used to throwing up in the reception trash can. It doesn't even phase me anymore
I don't know what you're talking about. I just drank beer out of my own bellybutton by doing a backbend and letting it run down my body.
She sent me a map and directions for a booty call. In a park. Give me reason not to marry her.
My contribution to the dinner party was a bottle of vodka and a bag of uncooked potatoes. I felt like a Russian serf.
You played "let it burn" by usher 28 times, knocked over the 36 gallon fish tank, and passed out in the kitchen. Yeah...That drunk.
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The bartender said he wanted to turn you gay, and we got free shots the rest of the night
i could have been the DD. this is ridiculous. i'm the most sober and getting the least ass.
I woke up naked on my couch playing a video game I thought I had dreamed about... oh yeah, and someone cut my hair.
I'm hungover laying in my moms bed watching Space Jam.. Adult Life..
Just saw a dude take a shot in the parking lot in his car. Too early in the semester for that
I got arrested in a leprechaun onesie
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