mutual masturbation is only cool if cash money records is involved.
She stole my hamster. idk who she was, she just walked in and said she knew Keith so she stayed, drank 6 beers, and then stole Charles.
As a jewish boy dating her she thinks everypart of christmas is my first time. Helllllo bj under mistletoe!!
So basically, I've just woken up in another random bed and I go to get my pants and he's wearing them. Like my underwear is in them... What the fuck is wrong with my life?
I misunderstood what a furry was. Come pick me up.
Good for him. He wanted to accomplish walking across niagara, I'm hoping to accomplish not throwing up tomoro nite, we all have our own priorities in life.
Did you see the video of me eating a marshmellow on fire?
Word my sister pulled through for me and brought vodka shooters for the plane. its about to be a sloppy 4 hours
Also topless tea is a thing that happens in our apartment. Ready yourself.
I think his dick was bigger than his dog
Im including "no monologues past 1am" in the list of apartment rules. Theatre majors dude.
I HAVE TOO MICH DICK TALKING TO ME IDK WHAT TO DO.
your mom was just petting me...I am strangely comfortable with it
you said, "the pool was totally tequila. and i left my shoe halfway across town. and by shoe i mean car" it appeared to me that you didn't have your shoes or car.
last night you said that you wanted to hold my dick as you slept because it was like having a stuffed animal.
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