i think 'regret' was last night's theme. i could taste it in my mouth and woke up next to it.
he keeps calling me but I'm too scared to answer... Not sure what he's gonna yell at me for: barging into his room while he was with another girl, filling her shoes with dog food and water, or hiding his keys in the garbage disposal.....
He freaked out when I started to orgasm. He said he never knew girls could orgasm too.
Always thought my first night in jail would consist of fire and a bunny suit.
I'm already mentally preparing myself for the fact that I'll probably be sleeping next to a toilet.
I action rolled over a firepit. Twice. I am the action roll king
Awkward family moment #1: walked in on my 15 yr old nephew packing a bowl. Nephew says- "lets not ruin christmas and keep this our little secret"
You are a special snowflake. A special snowflake I wouldn't mind rough sex with
HIS BALLS ARE HEAVEN SENT FROM THE VELVET ANGLES.
Ummm so I'm at the hospital and just heard some guy get tazed......twice.
Just smoked a joint with the hottest patient. God I love night shifts.
I don't remember coming in last night, but apparently I ate a piece of pizza because when I woke up I had pizza crust stuck to the back of my thighs.
It's not your birthday unless mom picks you up at the bar
I've never been this drunk around this many toddlers
My boss walked into my office and gave me a toothbrush and tips for dealing with sex hair. She knows what’s up
Randomize
