Did you dl zombie porn on my computer?
i just threw up repeatedly on the entire entire walk down A1A to the pizza place....then on the way back slipped and fell in it
We just walked into this party and immediately got handed a grilled cheese sandwhich....
Hashbrowns don't come out your nose as easily as you would think
Bad news. Pictures just stimulated my memory and i just realized the stripper I hooked up with this weekend tasted like pizza.
He fell asleep in the strip club and they paid some stripper $20 to sit on his face until he woke up.
His drunk text included an attempt at quoting a Nyquil bottle in MLA format
Just saw a woman with a Pomeranian in her bra. Way to step up your game Seattle.
I was still in a towel. We hadn't even started drinking yet and the champagne bottle dropped and exploded literally up into my vagina.
What's the appropriate way to phrase "If you ever leave your wife give me a call. But we can still have sex periodically until then."??
I'm a little upset you wasted 3 beers on your wet tee shirt contest.
Life for us students isn't all fun and drunken lesbian affairs you know
You said you wanted to wrap his dick in a tortilla and make a spicy burrito. Let me just say, most girls don't have this hard of a time getting laid.
He stole my heart. I stole his identity.
I dont understand why i cant be a wizard
Randomize
