3:12 am: but i thought i was coming over tonight, don't fall asleep i wore new underwear
You do realize the lyrics aren't "hold me close TONY DANZA" right?
You can't be serious.
What kind of soap washes out shame, bad decisions, and whiskey?
Irish Spring?
I just found 51 cents in my bed. Did you leave me a tip?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm home with mono, wearing knee high socks, shorts, a stained old shirt, and a surgical mask. He comes over ANYWAY with soup, a gas mask, billions of DVDs, and eats me out. He's either stupid, whipped, or i'm just THAT good.
She peed in the limo. She stood up and pulled up her dress and peed on the floor of the limo.
If i had 4 hands right now is have booze in 3 of them and my cock in the other all because you went to denver. just sayin.
in case you were wondering, even a BJ under a blanket on the back of a bus only lifts a 14-hour bus ride to borderline tolerable.
This is amazing. I can pinpoint the window in time that you lost all sanity.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I haven't received a dick pic from him lately. He's not even my boyfriend and I'm concerned. I hope he's alright.
Dude just the look on his face when she sat down next to him, threw one leg over his, and just said "so..." was fucking amazing
I need something for rope burns and an inner ear infection. Separate incidents, FYI..
I also know you puked in your shoe.
That would explain the note .... I apparently wrote myself an apology note from drunk to sober me .... saying "sorry for the fancy shoe soup" .... ugh I'll never drink again ...
are you fucking roseanne barr in there?
We fucked while The Odyssey played in the background. Homer would be proud.
Randomize