maybe i would like her more if 99% of her sentences didn't start with "yesterday when i was reading twilight..."
it always starts out as a suggestion then three hours later I have cum in my eye.
I think my penis ruined a perfectly good friendship.
hey, its the girl who gave you a bloody nose and paid you back with a blow job. have you seen my shoes?
Just for future questioning, I didnt break up with you over text
Just found a note from Saturday that says "rainy soft hair".... Any ideas?
Nothing like cleaning dried puke off your floor to make you feel like you've failed as an adult.
This cabbie knows where I live. Both awesome and weird.
Omg how many tall cans is too many tall cans for 1 pm
And tan into my neighbor in the elevator. She was going to the gym. I was covered in mascara and dog hair eating a hash brown
Blood everywhere...karaoke was nice
I woke up in a bush somewhere in Tucson with a full suit on. Great way to end my birthday.
i accidentally gave my stepdad ketamine so id say it was a fun weekend.
What's the plan?
Not sure. I think I'll take a dump on his windshield.
YOU ARE THE ONLY PERSON I KNOW THAT STEALTH CLEANS PEOPLE TOILETS
Randomize
