taking shots each time the weatherman says Dont go out in this blizzard
I knew we should have skipped class earlier, my lab partner is drunk from last night and making up his own experiments.
You spent most of the night crying and throwing leftover meatballs at the neighbors dogs
normally i would apologize for my drunk texting but even sober me agrees.
I should start printing out disclaimer handouts and passing them out to people saying, "I can not be held responsible for anything I say or do this evening."
Haha! I've never met his girlfriend, so my main focus will be not saying,"you're the only person in this room that doesn't know what my vagina feels like."
Our foot and a bit height difference is kinda fun, except she's so tiny that after we ate burritos it looked like she was pregnant. I had a confusing bonner.
Any formal decision about whether we're planning to objectify naked women with daddy issues tonight?
i may have given a gay guy with a mohawk my number last night that said... "you are straight" omg so glad a whole year til my next birthday... also i hit myself in the face with a car door. nice.
also new logic of mine : I fuck a Scottish kid , Scotland national animal is a Unicorn airgo I've come close to fucking a unicorns descendent, mother always said dreams come true
I've got to stop fucking tourists. If Chicagos piazza is anything like their dicks. I'm moving.
Dude, you GARGLED with bleu cheese last night!
I just saw someone dressed as a bear leave your house on a motorcycle. I guess you guys are having a good time.
Just woke up in a Price Chopper bathroom stall with a half eaten cake on the floor. Had to get a ride from the waitress I made out with. What happened to "Don't let me drink Tequila?"
I lied.
Were we still high when we decided to break your leg?
Randomize
