You came into my room at 3am.. drunk.. and asked to do spanish homework together. Props for being a good student.
The Shake Weight not only toned my arms but significantly improved my hand job form and efficiency.
I still can't figure out why that's not in the commercial.
I don't want end up bound and gagged in the back of a van headed for rehab. Bound and gagged OK. Just not the rehab part.
when the police officer said he was gonna take a picture of the car accident, you asked if you should pose on the hood
Most awkward car ride ever. Kid in the front seat was bawling, 2 in the backseat were ready to fight, and I was giving the last kid a handie. This needs to stop happening to us.
I know this is random but to this day I regret not having sex with you on that atv on the top of that mountain underneath the American flag.
I woke up this morning in the house, I didn't realize it was physically possible to duct tape a person to the wall...
Nah, this is the University of Tennessee. She'll get the clap, and get busted for having pot in her dorm by spring break. This time next year she'll be part-timing at a community college as a nursing major. So predictable it hurts.
Doing a circuit workout and using a power hour playlist for my 1 minute timers. I am getting old. creative, but old.
If there's one thing I learned yesterday, it's that if I really wanted to I could be mayor of Toronto.
I responded with "neat-o burrito" to his SEXT...he tried so hard and I just panicked.
Idk dude I just feel kinda weird masturbating in my Obama Biden 2008 shirt...
He kept telling me that it stood for Sex Utility Vehicle
bullshit you weren't drunk, you pointed at me and said my cigarette was empty
Let's just say it was like a porno version of Aladdin....
Randomize
