hows that letter of apology to the waitress at waffle house coming?
She woke up 3 seperate times, each time she had a look of pure terror on her face, she had no clue where she was.
His sister just told me that she thinks i'm a stupid bitch and that by going thru with this I'm ruining his life.
sounds like a hell of a rehearsal dinner
He just ordered a bottle of Beam at an Italian place for us to share.
why did you let me tell everyone that you can get herpes from the ice luge and then let me do the ice luge?
pretty sure that drunk girl we saw climbing the stairs is now DJing this club....
if I die on the way please explain to my mother that I do not wear fishnets on a regular basis
Pretty sure I just convinced a drunk guy at the train station that I was from the future
We interrupt your regularly scheduled Saturday morning programming with this important announcement: you are not the father. I repeat not the father. Congratulations and have a nice day.
Next time you see his dad you should let him know you are now Eskimo brothers.
It's called the dick transitive property. It states if you touch a person whilst they touch a dick, you are also touching said dick.
My mother is even happier about me having a sugar daddy than I am
He showed me his sex playlist and it looked good, so I slept with him.
Just realized how behind i am. Will gradually increase drinking until i don't remember that i missed an entire year of class.
hotelroom bed is big enough to masturbate in, but small enough to not want to sleep in it after you've masturbated in it
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