I love hooters. This dumb bartender is saying how coffee dehydrates you so that's why she sometimes just eats the coffee grinds wake up.
you were stealing lawn gnomes and punching cars. I'm not surprised you got arrested.
I just drank Colt45 out of a champagne glass. I feel classy.
Colt 45 out of anything is classy.
Wouldn't be the first time..I think there's a subliminal message constantly playing in my mind that says 'blackout', 'throwing up is fun' 'too sober'
My mom just set up beer pong in the dining room for family game night. and you ask why I'm still living at home.
all I remember is repeatedly winking at the fire marshall while he was counting the people in the bar
Oh. And what's the twitter protocol for following the guy you blew behind a shed?
There's no point in calling it Big Titties Tuesday if girls with big tits don't get anything special
And I think your bro would be happy to know that when I took my bra off like 10lbs of confetti fell out. It was like my tits were celebrating being free
I just don't understand how she's willing to go through so much planning and effort just to get a dick inside of her
The first thing we did this morning was see if we could see her barf in the prking lot from the roof. We could. It was in 5 spaces.
either I'm really high or that last bong rip tasted like christmas
Dude, my sex life is so sad since I started having feelings.
Sleeping with just one person sucks
He gets married Father's Day weekend and I just found out I'm pregnant. What do I do?
I passed out in your bed last night...there maybe a snickers and twix bar under your pillow
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