your dick doesn't do me any good in arizona
I need to keep friends like you around just in case hell grades on a curve.
I took us ten minutes to realize the shower sex going upstairs was the reason the kitchen ceiling was flooding.
It was awesome explaining why I had a tiger with boxers in my bed, a little bit drunk, to a girl in a pre-sex moment
I think I need to donate blood to see if I have Hepatitis. Again.
Those mornings you wake up with a Barbie tramp stamp are the mornings that are the that are going to make me miss this place
If you're wondering why you have playpen balls it's because we stopped at chuckie cheese on the way home.
I am now being bribed with one orgasm per every meal I eat. This is the best anorexia therapy ever
Dude, if I don't end up wearing a banana suit in Milwaukee, I will consider that trip a complete failure.
We were in the middle of a serious discussion about social justice and he pulled sequins out of his teeth and kept talking like nothing had happened.
White girls? They're everywhere. In packs. Drunk white girl packs.
I farted in his bed and then in my drunken stupor grabbed hair defanging spray to cover up the stench.
I just want to drink cheap wine and throw my bra at an aging singer songwriter
the police dropped me off. that's how my night went.
The cl.oudds are foaming a really big pen.Is OMG.
Randomize
