i'm writing my speech about my 4th grade backstreet boy concert experience. that sums up how seriously i take my life.
Come on... In this relationship-economy, you gotta have "awesome blowjobs" on your resume.
There is a girl in bio drinking beer out of a starbucks cup with a straw
Honestly, it was easier to just put it in my mouth than to deal with an awkward conversation.
I was batman and I saved her. Then we had sex on a rooftop.
My first sex dream, I blew myself. Yours definitely wins.
She said her hobbies include bangin guys on one night stands and then sending them facebook relationship requests the next morning just to freak em out
I can't believe I left out the part about him peeing on the side of Route 2 at 3 a.m. while wearing a dress.
Got robbed by an ATM. My weekend officially sucks.
This is seriously fucking awkward. My favorite sex scene just started and my dad's still here. He offered me Cheetos.
this potential sugar daddy just sent me a photo of him butt naked in the woods saying he wants to "grow our spirits together." so i think i found us a new drug dealer!
So when did "Are you okay?" translate into "Don't tell me you got fucked by another rando after another rager"?
Of course the sales lady was judging you, you bought a pregnancy test, ky jelly, diet pills and a 6 pack of red bull. Even i'm judging you.
Bold words for someone NOT on a unicycle
Heard about your divorce. Let me know if I can do anything for you or your penis ;-)
You can help me! We'll make an occasion of it. Have some rum, make some smores, condemn the email system to the pits of hell...
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