I think taking a nice shit is a lot more satisfying than an orgasm. This is probably why I'm single.
I got her a Nickelback box set.
well now i know if i ever need to drive puke and talk on the phone at the same time i can
your dad just showed up on the golfcart with a keg. i. love. our. neighborhood.
it's kind of slutty but what the hell, so are we
Watching frozen planet. There's a beach master sea lion with about 50 sea lion bitches fighting another sea lion for said bitches. It's a bloody battle. Dude. You have over 50. Share.
I'm pretty sure my liver died in Reno and my intestines are doing hula hoops around my asshole. The bachelor party was that good.
The highlight of the night was when he yelled "WAS THIS CONDOM MADE FOR TODDLERS??"
Can I join you for some emotional "Post: The Ohio State University's first lose in football after a 24 game winning streak" sex?
Btw had an awesome time last night. Found some blood on my shirt and ear but I'll chalk it up to the tequila shots.
I'm fucking blazing boy. 5hr weed sauce kicked in and my entire face feels like an 8ball of gold bond flying down a mountain of Fresh powder. Just gliding.
Is it bad that I tried to build an outfit based around "What do people who use condoms look like when they buy condoms?"
So you broke your ribs while fucking? Dude you just got about 25% hotter.
Pillow talk?
can't do it. no eye contact either.
Where have you been all my life
The night took a wrong turn after I found you smoking a blunt with a midget behind the bar...
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