What the fuck I just showed up to court still drunk and the judge told me I smelled like his wife
I'm texring you during a blow job. She thinks I'm looking shit up. Fml. Ftw.
Ive either hit rock bottom or become my own hero.
after I pulled back my foreskin she said, "cool like a transformer". I really like her now.
I have no idea how to attract men with my personality anymore. He can't see my tits via facebook chat
Just calculated that for my last final tomorrow I need 120% to improve my grade and 53% to keep it..buying 30 packs now, go get dressed
Watching porn with a bag of marshmallows. Thats when you know you're stoned.
The only thing in that hotel room that we didn't fuck on was the roof
Mm. I just want to eat pancakes off of his fine ass.
I saw it and almost just was like "Ice breaker: your penis is massive" but I didn't.
Been awake for 50 some odd hours. I've discovered I can spew out maaaad papers whilst coked out of my face. My roommates probably think I'm dead. Money well spent. You?
Did you just send me an ass picture with a quote from the lion king?
What are you gonna do about it?
He just showed up on my porch naked with just a blanket and a trash bag
Btw there's a hedgehog in my room. Don't get it high
I have a hickey in my new work ID photo.....