She called it mighty mouse.. And from there it was down hill
I am sitting on my kitchen floor drunk with a bottle of jose cuervo, tryin to make cinnamon rolls and write a paper. I love college
literally every day that goes by where he doesn't talk to me makes me more determined to get him to have sex with me
says the girl that drank her shots like they were in a dog bowl
They installed a lotion dispenser in the bathroom at work... its like they want me to masturbate on the clock...
I sent him an 18 page sext. He's going to have a good morning.
I like the wholesome side of you
I'm so goddamned horny I could use all my pent up energy to tear a redwood out by its roots.
He looked at me and just said "moist". The entire party shut down from uncomfortableness. He is an anti-party wizard.
After you puked in the bathtub you claimed you were never eating quesadillas again and you never even ate a quesadilla
You just kept looking down at your tits and screaming "I LOVE YOU TWO!!!"
If I hear you use the phrase "silky soft scrotum" one more time I swear to God you'll regret it
What can i say, my face is nice and my body is just unreal. And my beer pouring/stealing is incredible \n
He took me out to dinner to tell me we had to stop fucking so randomly
Honestly wish he pleased me as much as queso does
I told my mom Jesus would want me to snort drugs on his birthday
I've seen too many naked penises for this to be a normal Monday morning
Randomize
