Alright folks.. i have made history - I just hit my 2nd PARKED car SOBER withing 6 months.. :*( wtf?!
people would bow to what i just did to her vagina
but why does your life always sound like the plot of a porn?
He shit in the bushes next to the pool at the Venetian, after throwing up in the hallway. You really can do anything in Vegas.
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He was rambling about life and dignity and happiness. but all i kept thinking was PENIS. YOU HAVE A PENIS. I CAN SHOW YOU WHERE TO PUT THAT PENIS.
he was drinking cheap vodka with warm tap water and a packet of crystal light. if that's not an alcoholic then idk what is
No its cool I don't even have to do anything he is rapping to one of the strippers. He is punishing himself enough.
So as your former husband, I get to give you away at the wedding right?
I want to get my vag crammed with complete loss of every bit of dignity I have left by this man from every angle on every flat surface that exists. That is all.
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He SHOWED UP to the party wearing one shoe and a dinosaur hat. He kept lifting up his shirt and asking people to bite his nipple.
She was into my hawaiian shirt and id never made out with a dinosaur... I feel like it worked out for everyone
What's the address and code again...does anyone need anything and why is my viking helmet on the bed?
If there aren't any tits where you are, you're doing it wrong.
I got so drunk that I peed my bed...and all over him. The ironic thing is that he slept in his swimming trunks.
I was mad at him...then I jerked off. Now I'm over it. Orgasms fix everything, I swear.