I just walked into the kitchen and my dad was having this uber serious convo
I woke up with semen in my invisalign. My molars were just marinating in it
I can actually hear my brain cells scream as they die when she speaks.
Suck a a big bag of reindeer cock bud. Sent from church. See you in hell
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for real. he might as well bring dogs if they're lower than a 7.
So, remember how that one doctor said it was 1 in a million that I'd get pregnant...
Yeeah thank god
Well..welcome to parenting Mr. one in a million.
right before he passed out he said "take care of your tender spirit"
i get the sense she is planing new and exciting ways to physically harm me during sex
There are pre-booty call contracts for a reason. I have no intention of calling you tomorrow.
Do you need my fax number or something?
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I just hit myself in the face while taking off my shirt. I could never be a stripper.
He told me I was 100% better then porn then passed out nto the cake
Seriously, she had fingers that made me thank a god I don't even believe in that I'm gay.
I did a kegel this morning to determine if I had been penetrated during last night's blackout. Nope.
YOU TRIED TO SWIM IN HER FISHTANK. I don't think she's going to call you.
I may have just tried to argue quantum entanglement as the reason I was still in her bed.