yep. he's not circumcised. how did it take me six months to realize THAT?
Grow some girl-balls and come out already
Okay, guy from work I want to fuck just told me he liked the font on my PowerPoint presentation. It is so on.
Make me proud, climb that corporate ladder.
You need to find a way to go down on me and lick my toes at the same time
I'll google it
You made eat vitamins until I threw up
there are ass prints on the hood of my car.
you proceeded to scream out that it's your birthday to everyone who walked by before you collapsed in the middle of the street. happy 21st birthday to you.
We role played last night. I was Brandon Inge and she was some slut from Toledo. Let's just say Triple A might not be so disappointing after all.
I wonder what acid is like for a blind person... Can we find this out?
I have their Unicorn picture in my shirt, and I just threw a Bud Light Platinum bottle through their window. We need to go now.
Guess who has two thumbs and just fell outta his car and almost peed himself
I still have the video of you three making soup in my kitchen and asking random people for permission DURING the party, not after like usually
Don't remember, didn't happen
I HAVE THE VIDEO YOU DICK IT HAPPENED
and then I drunkenly screamed, "you can ride that Uber all the way to revenge city!"
which was funny until I realized I paid for my enemy's cab to go fuck my ex
My walk of shame turned into having to get his dad to tow my best friends car out of the snowbank in his driveway
You are driving me to get new toys, i am test driving them on the way home.
We are taking your truck.