So I tried to call my phone from his phone and was like, "hey, my name is not in here..I thought you had my number" turns out he has my number saved as "gives good head"
you guys are cousins why the FUCK are your pants off
He's a firefighter, who has his own band. I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
the last thing i remember is inserting the sippy stray into the jack daniel's.
dude. we need more in our fridge then just beer and applesauce.
nope im down the street in my car watching the front of her house. its actually less creepy than it sounds
After he finished his girlfriend called him. I sat there, tied his shoes for him, then he high fived me and said "this is gonna be a great summer steph"
So because I'm off tomorrow that means your dick could be in my mouth majority of that time
So then we ended up at a bar full of navy SEALs and I got one of them to take his shirt off, then I felt him up
I feel like 31-year old me is 21-year old me's hero
I'm high. I apologize for that last sentence
I don’t know if I’m nauseous or just disgusted with myself.
is it bad that I'm more worried about having to take out my piercings than the fact that I might be having a kid
I just timed my pee with a stop watch. From when the main stream started to ended. It was 45.1 seconds. This is the truth trust me.
Lucky bitch I'm at work covered in Jeff pee. And my hair smells like beer because I was trying to prove a point about PBR serving multiple purposes.
I don't mean to alarm you but are the strongest testicles in the family. I just learned I can lift 90 lb with my balls! Beat that.
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