I just watched a guy get turned down by a prostitute
dude, i just saw a bobcat while i was rollerblading this morning
1 dont ever text someone @ 8am on sat. 2 dont ever admit to rollerblading past 1992.
I told him I'm not paying rent anymore because he's seen my boobs.
i need a wealthy benefactor or a cocktail job. or to start stripping. or kill myself. whatever.
Im only slightly posetive that left over guacamole and wine are unacceptable for breakfast at 6.30 am
I walked out of the store holding my face and a lady pulled her daughter away from me as I then threwup in the parking lot
Man, just talk to her friend and help me out. Otherwise we go home alone
I'd rather jerk off with a hand full of bumble bees then talk to her
I was scared I had HIV after last time so I'm not gonna do it again
But he was really hot
Glad you don't have HIV
I most definitely just found a video on my phone that I accidentally took... You can't see anything and all you can hear is me talking about how good your water was... And then I fed it to you... And used the word "eloquent" to describe it.
Hello. You don't know me, but word on the street is that we are now eskimo sisters. I feel like we should go out for coffee and compare experiences.
A big toe in my vag is not foreplay.
You told the entire smokers deck that you were blowing .08 now and anyone else willing later
Drinks have officially taken priority over self-respect, and I'm not even all that torn up about it.
A good example of deductive reasoning: Knowing that when my girlfriend texts me "I promise not to smoke all your weed!" that she is...at that VERY moment...Smoking All Of My Weed.
Whose house did we sneak into and play beer pong for 4 hours at last night?
I honestly have no idea
Randomize
