I want to take things slow emotionally, but fast physically
What's everyones problem with my costume?!
It looks like a unicorn came on your face.
Buying beer for freshmen. No matter what they ask for, I'm getting them Colt 45.
New years is officially the only time its okay to drunk dial your parents.
I just had a boat ride of shame. With Senior Citizens.
Made a vodka juice box out of a ziploc bag and a straw for when I drive. Doesn't count as an open beverage container anymore.
I'm going to call you, don't answer. Need to practice moaning to your answering machine again
I feel like he's mythological. Like you just had lunch with the Loch Ness Monster of hotness
Prob because you've thrown up alot. As long as its not like pure blood you're fine. Drink water.
not even kidding I just received the single most greatest head I have ever had.. It was unreal. It was like stick my dick into a silk bag of puppy ears.
Time to eat Mexican food til I hate myself.
That's completely alright, I do it a lot.
Just want the two of you to know, I went to a golf tournament today. Respectable, expensive… Flipped the golf cart. Seriously, I'm 40. What the fuck?
Ok so I'm not gonna ignore the fact that you had sex on a frat basement floor and spent the last 4 years wondering how you got HPV
someone commented on last weekends photos impressed that so many homeless people wanted to take pictures with us. weird that those "homeless people" are our friends... right?
I was so high I kept trying to flush the toilet with the light switch
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