i just heard someone have an orgasm and then throw up through the vent in my room.
i cant remember past the part when we filled his tub with skittles.
All I saw was a beagle come across the screen and explain the theory of relativity to me and leave
Now he's galloping around the bar. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
She cheated on me with the same state trooper that wrote me a ticket.
I guess now you have a way to keep your license when you bring that up in court.
Dude, you are the most awesome.
Call me as soon as you're able to dial a phone. I just took a shit behind a building in broad daylight and need to get the fuck outta here soon.
not saying it was a bad idea to throw an impromptu party but someone stole the microwave
I just saw him carrying his little sister while walking his puppy. And he was shirtless. I swear my ovaries just exploded
Well his ex just grabbed his dick and told him yep Ill call u later
We had sex on a lawn chair while fireworks were going off last night. It was unavoidable that I got mosquito bites all over my ass
The real estate's complaint had the words "loud squealing at 2am" in it. Then I remembered that was me spoon feeding you guys old potato salad while you screeched like baby birds. Great night.
If you can handle my post-party look you da real MVP
I've faked every orgasm I've ever had, I think I can fake being sick for 8 hours.
I suggest both. Please have sex with them and prepare notes for a final comparison.
so i find a box of condoms inside my car with turn by turn directions to her bedroom... kinda freaked out cause she got my address and somehow inside my car
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