In similar news, my cock is bigger than the plane that landed in the hudson.
she was so not down for the gang bang
I decided that not getting a job after college is gods way of telling me I will make a great housewife
So Ive decided I have serious issues. Im walking around the school with a bag labeled booze money collecting from people while slightly hungover at 8:20 in the morning, and nobody is questioning me.
Can you still call it a wet dream if sandwiches were involved?
When She took off her bra.... A tube of lipgloss, her phone, I.D. And a wad of twenties fell out.... I'm officially no longer a butt man
Someone just bought me a one liter long island and call me maybe is on. I'm going to die
Obviously. I'm here to let you eat things off my boobs and help you get laid.
So you are wearing a heart monitor while drinking?
Yea, they said carry on with my everyday activity.
A 3am FaceTime to go to IHOP is the closest thing to a bootycall that I'm getting
I just set my acrylic nail on fire while trying to light my blunt
Apparently she "missed me" and the only logical solution was to fuck my brother.
The magician guy on probation is here at the bar. I'm gonna get him to show me a trick
He left a full handprint on my ass. He called it a "five-star review."
Mom wants to know if you're coming over or if it's safe for her to take her bra off...
Randomize
