omg he said he wants to insert his penis into my vagnia what do i say
tell him to stop quoting family guy
Just taught my suite how to queef. I feel like i'm back in 9th grade!
Im like a co-bf. he pays for her birthday and christmas, but i get all the action.
You going out tonight?
No I am at the hospital. Throwing up blood is apparently frowned upon.
My mom's 50 year old alcoholic friend just told me about how she was more whoreish then us at our age. Challenge accepted.
No it's cool, He's been doing my English papers in exchange for lap dances since the eleventh grade. We're very professional.
We established that I was in 5th grade when she was in her final year of grad school. Her daughter is also in 5th grade.
Just checked my voicemails on the work phone on speaker. Thank you so much for the one of you screaming "COME FUCK ME NOWWWW!" my boss loved it ..
Another memory: We offered for a stranger to live in our house under the condition that he took the garbage out because it's a 'blue' job.
We are the best.
Ps. We need to take the garbage out.
I think sneezing out coked up boogers onto your professor disqualifies you from the "I was sick" excuse
Guess who isn't pregnant with a random sex ocean baby?!?!
I asked you for a cigarette and you handed me your phone and told me to search for one
I'm too drunk to explain this to you. It's too hard.
Fun fact. A penis can be used to catapult cheetos.
One lesson I've learned so far from college: You've always got time for one more shot. Always
Randomize
