he is fucking friends with his exwife on facebook, but he defriends me after 3 dates? am i that crazy?
Just proof I should've brought the airhorn with me to class.
So hungover. Sitting in class about to puke during this ladys flute performance. Not sure why were having a flute concert in biology
I heard an explosion in the backyard. You told me you were playing "will it burn".
Its Nebraska, I'm sure im not the first person to wake up hungover in a corn field.
Bring scissors.....i think im gonna have to be cut out of this damn jockstrap
hurry up this bar wont let me order big pitchers of beer for just myself
She shit all over my seat. She is not allowed in my car under any circumstances. Not even with drugs. You can't forgive a shit.
i really need to shower, but i don't want to take off my bra and lose my cleavage. the struggle
I told my boss that I'm in a slutty stage of my life right now and the chef overheard and slipped me his number. I might get laid tonight
Just paid for my STD meds using a giftcard I got for Christmas. Thanks mom.
It's a long story, but I accidentally peed on my dog. I'll tell you about it tomorrow, and we shall never tell my wife.
I threw my shoes out of frustration and walked home barefoot... can you help me find my shoes in the morning
he was really really nice, and I did coke off of his dong that night too
I don't know..He walked out of your room with a kraft single..and blood on his shirt...He really wanted cheese.
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