this guy at work is bossing me around at work. He is 24 and still has highlights and spikes his hair.
You're getting bossed around by a 1999 Highschool Yearbook picture?
Pretty sure she's used to bigger guys. She kept slipping off while on top. like, constantly
i'm lost and i look like a hooker
Must be January. Theres a fat chick on an elliptical wearing khaki capris. Someone doesnt own any workout clothes
Hey so summary of last night. I threw up in a rain boot then tipped it over on my bed, did my laundry and passed the fuck out. I feel like I didn't see you.
I woke up five hours later with a mouthful of Jimmy John's while clinging to my sandwich.
We fucked then made friendship bracelets, his mother taught him right!
They should just send me home - I'm literally doing nothing but watching porn and listening to pandora.
okay. well, yeah. i'm a mess and a half. this shit is not what dumbledore died for.
I was just wicked nice to a telemarketer... that's how stoned this woman got me.
I worked all year for this tax return. I deserve to get my nipples pierced.
I don't think I used nearly enough fucks in my reply to convey the level of fuck him.
I'm more heavily invested in that tequila than you are
He stopped me mid-blow job to say that his new year's resolution was to stop hooking up. MID FUCKING BLOW JOB.
Wow this just keeps getting better, weed, shrooms, a stripper..........a gun.
Randomize
