i thought i deleted your number from my phone...Wtf
i think you shook his penis after he was done peeing.
I miss having pregnancy scares ....at least i knew i was having a good time
Last night I dipped into my beer fund to pay for groceries. SINCE WHEN ARE MY PRIORITIES SO WHACK???
His mom always writes on my facebook right after we have sex. it's like she knows. with her scary mom psychic powers
there's chocolate cake in my bathtub.. I don't even want to know how the hell chocolate cake wound up in my tub..
So yeah she lost her virginity in a wheel chair with a broken pelvis. I'm still trying to figure out how I should feel about that.
Woke up naked next to Alex and he was braiding my hair and then commented on how healthy my hair was. I don't even know anymore..
Can't decide if I want to watch full house or the fleet wood Mac concert during the presidential debate.
Can we please start going to the gym before I accidentally kill someone via explosive fat girl pants button accident
thought a girl was checking me out today. took me like 5 minutes to realize it was a mannequin
moral of the story: if your going to mix ambien and free skyclub alcohol, take a direct flight or have a layover in a city you wouldn't mind having to return to for a court date.
There's a Taco Bell quesadilla in my shower caddy right now.
My mom just said we can't get married in nude body suits to look like earthworms. She's ruining my life.
At what point can I admit that I hate going to house parties?
I don't wanna stand in your shitty kitchen making small talk while I guard the quality booze I brought.
Randomize
