Could a canary swim?
Last time I ever let you pet sit.
I'm not even planning on drinking that much tonight.. but I'm writing "emergency contact number" and your number on my hand just in case
She really thought E.D. was a sexually position.
It was like having sex with a donkey. Everytime she got close she would kick me.
I still havent gotten an apartment yet, so I crash random college parties...get so drunk and then sleep on their couch
I hate cuddling. I also hate when people breathe. Which he did, a lot. So he can go to hell.
I was just informed that I have the perfect belly button for body shots... Best compliment ever.
New found love of volunteering, when there's free wine available at all times. Good times. And I get to to feel good about helping people.
Totally. Bang on. He'll be fine. He might cry into your perfect tits once in a while, but that's the price ya pay.
I actually just took 17 pictures of some guy at the gas station that needs to marry me now
I'm trying to get fucked by 4 girls here, and you're worried about verb tenses?!
Woke up to the UT campus police fishing my boxers out of the university pool, guess it was a good night.
I'm watching porn in spanish. Thats studying right?
Im showing up stoned and in sweatpants. Because that is where im at in life right now. Sorry not sorry.
Russell is lonely. He needs a companion.
You're lucky you have a monster cock or most people may just laugh at your penis' nickname.
Randomize
