Dude I wish you were here. I'm innthe back seat and it looks like outer space and everything feels like rice. idk. wtf.
I'm smoking weed out of a trumpet
I just did a slip and slide down the hall way of my apartment building
Tie
Mike and I just ate the lobster we found in the toilet
I lost count of how many people I peed on last night.
She punched my vomit. In midair. Back into my mouth.
The only word I understood in that whole setence was semen.
I kind of want you to get arrested just so I could frame an avatar mugshot.
No I'm done finals, but I'm not coming home until these hickeys are gone.
Turns out that my surprise "happy birthday" drop-in for my dad turned into a "my parents like afternoon sex a lot" realization.
I believe you called it tequila and nipples. The proceeded to strike a pose.
I knew it would be a shit show so I just went ahead and took plan b before I even got there. How's that for responsible?
There's always a certain something about a day that begins with your panties in your purse.
Is everyone touching their nose at me a sign that I should stop snorting vicodin off my phone in the bathroom at school?
I do not mind being torn from the first touches of sleep to see a man who looks like that
Is this making any sense, because I’m puking and trying to be Philosophical right now
Randomize
