The guy I fucked in the port a poty just called me and asked me on a date!
Awkward!
No he was cute and I said yes!
dude, i think i am in a porno. I was working out at the hotel gym and some chick was doing yoga and a guy comes up and says "good, now i know your flexible" then they started making out. WTF?
She left me with blue balls so I jerked off on her french toast in the morning.
Dude. Creed is coming in september.
We're no longer friends.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
$1.99 mimosas n bloodys til 3. Happy hour starts at 4. We're gonna ride the mechanical bull to kill the hour inbetween.
Please take video.
As a side note, my abs are sore. Most likely cause? Orgasms. Thank you.
literally have a bruise on my forehead from being over the toilet all night.
I used the lotion his mom gave me for christmas to give him a hand job. It felt so wrong.
I found him on the floor in the kitchen eating cheese and tomato. I mean a block of cheese and whole tomatoes, he was alternating. Thats why your cheese has teeth marks.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well I can't be held accountable to know every which time you slid a finger here or slid a finger there. I'm way too busy getting close to climaxing to document these things.
HEY JUST FOUND A SHIT TON OF MONEY IN THE PURSE HE SENT BRB GONNA GO BUY ME SOME MALE STRIPPERS AND BATHE IN THESE TWENTY DOLLAR BILLS
holy fucking shit get me out of here. even the babies are wearing beanies
last thing I remember is yelling 'sit on my face' through a traffic cone
She deliberately backed into the homewrecker's whoremobile and yelled ""FOR SPARTA!"
And at the semi-adult age of 25 I have shit my pants. Not even drunk, just really late to work. Is this real life?
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