Dude, you just left me a 3 minute voicemail of pop rocks in your mouth. Im sitting right next you
I feel so much closer to you now that I heard your poop splash into the toilet.
isnt it sad that we can reminisce about our childhood but we cant remember shit we did last month
Best morning ever. I saw a bum giving another bum a blowjob downtown.
All you kept saying was "my dick ALWAYS causes problems".
He cut you off when you said Paula Dean was in your soul...He kicked you out when "Paula" started eating random peoples food
It's a 2 hour train ride a 7 in the morning, of course we're bringing alcohol
the ladder is at the bottom of the pool
Joe decreed the livingroom and the hallway up to the burn mark his kingdom. I think this is the point of 'stage an intervention'
Omg. I felt like a crazed animal last night. My lesbian instincts burned a hole in my panties.
more embarrassing than that time i showed up to class in my hoodie and leggings because i over slept, and then as i zipped my hoodie down i realized i didn't sleep with a bra on or a shirt
I think I am calling out of work due to a hangover. I'm 96% sure there ISN'T tampon stuck inside me.
Just keep in mind that she didn't start telling you you had the largest penis she had ever seen until AFTER she found out about your multi-million-dollar trust fund.
You need to stop leading guys on at bars - you're a lesbian.
And now I'm a lesbian with better self-esteem.
By the way, you totally deserve "i got a job sex".
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