Asian chick on skype stripping for me. Hold on give few min
decided to have an easter egg hunt this year. the golden egg has weed in it and all the others have shots of vodka. who said we were too old for easter?!?
what part of "i slept with our hot teacher" are you not excited about?!
the part where you beat me to him
fair enough.
Just finished texting the 27th male name in my phone that i don't recognize. none of them were the hott kid i made out with last night. the search continues.
she just totaled her parents new car because there was a bee in the car. So she crashed into a light pole to kill it.
I stumbled into my living room at 4 a.m. to find him hurling my laptop across the room and his pants around his ankles. Clearly his night didn't go as planned.
sorry for throwing an entire water bottle of vodka at you. It was very wasteful
what's the name of that soccar player i bit again?
If you hook up with your cousin you will permanently be my favorite person ever.
If you're not on crutches for breakfast, I'll feel like I've failed you.
Speaking of fellatio on fictional characters, the Stay Puft Marshmallow Man would be a delicious blowjob.
...and as she's going down on me I look at the speedo and I'm doing 15 under, with 6 cars tailgating me, and I know her parents saw her head pop up because they were the car right behind us.
I'm pretty sure I just gave myself third degree burns from punching my pizza.
One minute we were playing beer pong, and the next minute I was sprinting to my apartment with a watermelon. wtf happened in between?
I don't have any plans for New Year's except watching anime and drinking until I can't read the subtitles anymore.
Randomize
