moving back to school this early was a terrible idea we already used up our bail fund
I just banged that chick from the bar by speaking french. all i had to do was recite my grocery list
Just looked in the mirror and i look like ive been gang banged. Im so proud of my boyfriend it almost hurts
If we see one freshman that cummed on me, we are leaving.
i'm half naked talking to a cat. you don't have to justify your life to me.
be ready to rage tomorrow. like naked ranch dressing rage
I found a lucrative side business - giving rides home to drunk oil executives. Very profitable.
I feel like you just railed me after that sext
We're taking a shot every time Landon Donovan takes a shot. It's clever, sort of.
I had the hottest doctor assess me at the hospital. He smelled like heaven and sex.
Congratulations! You can now legally do that thing you said you never do again!
THANKS! I'M SO EXCITED TO NOT DO THE THING
OMG YOU GO OUT AND NOT DO THAT THING, GIRL! I SUPPORT YOU 100%!!!
He offered to dress his dick up as Charlie Chaplin to cheer me up.
Keep him.
I don't know, we got really drunk and I slapped her with an ear of corn.
I was just at Kroger and saw some guy with a steelers balloon... ran up to him and popped it. NO RAGRETS.
I found my bra I wore on Friday night...he fucked the underwire out of it
hahahahaha
Randomize
