So that's a yes to the cocaine usage and a no to the rollerblading
so then we both started to do the walk of shame and she didnt realize we had fucked in her apartment until some lady said hi to her in the elevator
you didnt stop her?
too entertaining
im having a threesome with these popsicles
Lets get really high and only speak Spanish to each other again tonight
4 feet of snow. teaching the cats how to snow swim. throwing them off the porch and seeing what happens.
I think need to divide my DVD collection into "movies I've seen" and "movies I've only seen during sex"
i want the original willy wonka imagination song to come on when i take a girl to my room
Well if all fails we can always become surrogate mothers. I hear that pays well.
I can't. I will literally throw up my liver
Why dont you be an ebola patient for halloween? You can totally throw up and itll be part of your costume.
Every time I there's a break up, I'm left with an animal. That's it. No more mutual pets.
I woke up with jello shots in pant pockets so I must've had fun
We just fucked like crazy and now I'm dipping chips in macaroni & cheese. I feel completely accomplished. This may be the best day ever.
im about to bake her parents a "thank you for making such beautiful babies, ive had sex with all 5 of them" cake
you missed a good time last night.
you texted me at 10 telling me to come fuck you, that says enough.
Let the healthy eats/juice cleanse begin. Today is day 1
Have you cleansed yourself of the boy yet?
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