I left the party when things started to get crazy... and when I say crazy I mean: there was puke on the carpet, Evan was passed out behind a plant, Mary was making out with her ex while her present bf was making out with Nancy. Not to mention that someone fisted the wall. Also - someone is sleeping on your lawn - they might be dead, I didn't check. Later.
Have you finally orgasmed yet?
Her vagina is like Vegas. high traffic and full of glitter.
I can see why you broke up with her now... it was like having sex with a corpse.
This guy kept running around with a blender giving people shots of everclear and vodka. Best. Toga. Party. Ever.
Can one of you do me a favor? Light a match and throw it into my room. Bc I'm certain I would rather be burned to death than live in this hell I call my life
Step 1: chug a red bull vodka with no ice Step 2: chase that with a shot of wild turkey Step 3: chase that with a shot of tequila
Step 4: your drunk
She said to me, without hesitation, "make me an offer better than my sugar daddy and I'll go with you"
She has that type of face she reminds me of that weird girl from napoleon dynamite only taller and with hoop earrings.
I just want you to know when I bang him in the back of my car later I'll have pony by ginuwine on repeat
I just want someone to put their head on my boobs and laugh at my jokes ....
woke up. showered n got ready. had sex. and was still 15 minutes early to work... its gonna be a good day!
she just kept straddling the railing to the stairs and shouting "come on Seabiscuit, lets win this for America."
Alright, I've had enough of this good girl shit. Tonight you either blackout or backout.
A guy I don't even know just ate me out on a washing machine at a random persons afterparty. I came as it was going through spin cycle.Just kept thinking "who does laundry during a party?"
Randomize
