I am I'm going to have heart failure he's peed on my life.
I scissor kicked a one legged man last night.
He was trying to put me in handcuffs.
You have my attention.
I kept grabbing at Stephanie's boobs because I thought the leopard spots on her dress were popcorn.
FYI I'm about to upload a vid of you to facebook of you screaming "SNACK ATTACK" and throwing cheetos at everyone playing pong...
Also yeah I would definitely have to say that one of my favorite things to do is to get high and pet cats.
Remind me in the morning that I've now seen a guy do crack. That actually happened. I'm at the wrong party.
When we tried to make a video I set the camera to 3sec pictures accidentally so instead of a movie we have a flipbook of our sex.
Yeah probably not. I have a hair appt, a gun class, and hopefully a boy to fuck. I'm booked.
looked up people from my old yearbooks. 3 ex boyfriends are gay. im getting drunk now.
He had to put his grandma's photo away before I tied him to the bed. She doesn't need to see any of that.
She got up, grabbed me a box of gushers told me to start eating, and immediately gave me the best head I've ever gotten.
Would you paint my ceiling for oral sex?
I have to stop at Sheetz to put my bra back on before I meet you hold on
I just described cereal to my mother as "acoustic breakfast soup".
who is this
Remember how I was complaining about how no guy has ever gotten me off?
Randomize
