It was at that point the crowd that gathered realized i wasn't getting arrested, and passed the sobriety tests. I got a standing ovation from 25 strangers
He wanted to take me out and said we could "go huntin in the woods."
susan atkins died, charles manson's lady
dont cry, there are other serial killers to crush on.
absolutely not. he will always be that kid that threw up a ham and cheese sandwich in fourth grade to me.
he thinks the dog can do a keg stand. i will let you know how it turns out
Siri just reminded me to pickup Plan B
BUT I think maybe Thursday in celebration of America we should probably tan and see how fast we can finish everything in the liquor cabinet.
And my coffee table looks like something out of Scarface
So far I've taken two naps, went out and bought a pizza called the Hipster, and in 15 min I'm gonna make a snow angel. Conquering Snowlandia. How bout you?
It's getting harder and harder to fake orgasms as I get older.
I'm going to give you the best blowjob of your life. And yes you can use my mom's printer.
I think I met my butt stuff soulmate
I feel like my toilet water looks different when outsiders use my bathroom...
Are you high right now?
HOW DID YOU KNOW!
My mom is worried I'm not eating enough protein so she's sending me 48 cans of tuna. That's not a typo.
He couldn’t find my clit with a map. Literally. I drew him a map.
Randomize
