Nicole vs. Life
i dedicated my morning wood to you.
He's doing the single life. He recently finished like a 3 year relationship. You can't date him.
But I don't want to date him. I just want to look at him. Naked. And in my bed.
who knew that a girl that let me piss on her within 20 minutes of meeting her would get upset i couldn't remember her name.
I need to figure out how to tell my doctor that I don't want to fix my possible fertility problems until AFTER I'm done whoring around in my 20s.
We should celebrate the resignation of Berlusconi tonight with too many bottles of wine and sambuca. We're allies, right?
Did i tell you my idea for my life plan? Not the one that involves stripping.
And then he said "if you were planning on bird feeding me that's not ok"
damnit. I just found my cousin on tinder.
Pretty good. They took the stitches out but it still hurts like a bitch. The doctor says I should be off crutches by next week.
Well, that's good. Let's hope drunk you doesn't sabotage you.
Screaming "dámelo" at the bottle of scotch was definitely my best and worst moment of Cinco de Mayo 2015.
I would wear his ballsack as a hat if he asked me to
I wore grinch underwear to my well woman exam this morning and I feel like I adulted successfully today.
Everything is a learning experience. Last night we learned why I'm not allowed to bring guys home from the bar....
yea, she was legit pissed that her rasberry vodka ice cubes never actually froze. but we couldnt convince her otherwise.
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