VAGINAS EVERYWHERE
they're staring at me
Turns out I'm like the Wayne Gretzky of hiding cum. Who knew?
over or under 1pm before my bracket is too blurry to read?
just saw 2 fat kids fight for the last slice of pizza. Litteraly fight. God Bless America
Lil wasted at a baby shower. Here's to beating teen pregnancy BOTTOMS UP
She's trying to feed the TV fried rice and screaming "FRIED RICE AND TEARS". Please bring me more booze.
I refuse to apologize. Any dick that comes that close to my face uninvited is gonna get bit
I told him I liked how shrimp feels in my mouth, but I don't actually like eating it. Turned out to be the most awkward way to say that I wanted to suck his dick.
Now that makes it sound like you had sex with a guy in batman costume and you never took the mask off so you can't 100 percent be sure.
It's not ok to announce to a group of people playing beer pong that a girl put her finger in your butt last night. I now know this
I peppersprayed myself last night. Sigh.
I'm in my bed. Snow angles in fresh sheets. don't even try to get me out tonight.
it is my last wish that my tale be published posthumously as a warning to anyone thinking of eating burger king at nine am
I have to tell him to stop eating me out so I'm not late for work; my life could be a lot worse.
Just found a handle of Tito's in my TV stand
Can't recall when I put that there, but let's goooo
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