I GOT MY PERIOD!
damn. i had names picked out.
I just got three quarters of the way there before I realized I was way too stoned for class so I bought a smoothie and walked home.
I felt like I was in a real life creepy Myspace message. "girl u cute" ... "girl u got a really nice smile"
she said shes getting her period tomorrow so she wants to have sex now. i didnt object. it would have been heartless.
ofcourse you didnt.
Bad idea. College students cannot afford both alcohol and a cat. Unless said cat is irish, and can feed itself with fifths of whisky.
i bought another $5 worth of vodka. with change. i look like a homeless alcoholic. i need your dino cups or else i'll be forced to make a giant jello bowl shot
All i remember is Liz dragging me home yelling at me, crying, and barfing
Congratulations, your dick has been selected to participate in my birthday sex. Please reply with a response.
Do I have a choice?
I am sorry, you're response was not recognized. Please try again.
He's bought his dick a cell phone. A cell phone. For his dick...
He gave me the number and told me that I if I want to hook up again, I have to call his penis.
I'm having a really difficult time dealing with the fact that my dog now shares a name with Snooki's crotch-spawn.
In my dream I had to eat so many peanut butter and Nutella sandwiches
Great news. I WILL BE FUCKING IN A BOUNCY HOUSE TOMORROW.
listen I will take literally anything I can get my tiny gay fingers on
Between his smile and monumental dick even the virgin mary woulda blown that man and I am far from the virgin. I didn't stand a chance.
"suitors" is just a nice way of her saying "the guys i'm fucking"
Randomize
