Omg I just drooled on the screen of my phone from smiling with my mouth open while textin bahahahaahah
Just soaked up some whiskey with a paper towel and then squeezed it into a cup for consumption. New low.
My mom just told me to drench my entire body in vodka for 20 minutes. I have never been this russian. no one has ever been this russian
I am scared. I picture you doing a keg stand on a sinking ship with hula girls cheering you on. Please text me when you get back to shore...or now would be good
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You held your own hair and threw up into a red cup...I think they were more amazed than upset.
You know summer is almost over when ur school booty calls start hitting u up as if solidifying their spot in drunken mistakes for next semester
If he breaks up with me, your job is to keep me drunk and make sure I don't sleep with anyone. Ok?
did you see me getting spanked by that lady cop who was a guy?
Now I just sit back and wait to give ass birth to pure evil.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm gonna write a book. Almost Awesome: all the times I ALMOST got laid.
I think he bit my vagina. Who does that?
not ubering you a puppy
I'm just waking up. I awoke in a towel (I must have showered at some point),i also found a half eaten McChicken in my bed and vomit in the toilet. Seems like I'm winning at life
A bitchslap is in order.
Of course my parents remember you. You showed them your tits
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