Earlier, I saw a homeless man that looked like Abe Lincoln, and I just saw a guy walk past wearing crocs and socks. I'm beginning to like this city less and less
You know that bakery that Sandra Bullock's sister owns?
The one in Montpelier?
yeah, well it doesn't exist anymore. VT's one fucking claim to fame closed.
Fuck the gym. I just shaved m'cooch and my pants now fit looser.... Dont judge me.
Oh my god. My pre-date bowl for nerves tuned into "I'm too high for this date" he kept talking about trucks and I couldn't stop making racial slurs.
whatever. i don't care. i just want to be drunk wrapped in an american flag.
Hostess is going out of business we'll never survive the apocalypse
I owe you cheese. The drunk munchies don't acknowledge food ownership.
You are my mentor.
I drank wine out of a protein shake bottle last night. You may want to rethink that statement.
Ski vacations are for hooking up with randoms. It's like I don't even know you
I'm just going to ride dicks all the way to the to the gates of hell
I'm at the store buying a new phone cause I pissed all over mine last night. Drunk me is expensive as shit.
He stopped in the middle of us fucking so he could turn on lithuanian techno music. And the sad thing is that it was the best sex of my life.
Nice people suck dick too. I'm proof.
I just revenge puked in his shoes. This is gonna be a fun night :)
now whenever i pass that house all i can think about is how i pooped in their yard..
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