My t9 writes chubies instead of bitches.
either way. win, win.
dude, mark had the least successful cab ride in history last night. took a cab to the bars, stopped at every atm in the city, none worked, then had to come back to the party to beg for 20 to pay the taxi that officially took him nowhere.
I'm tuning in to watch Heidi Montag crash and burn on the Miss Universe Pageant. Somebody call 911. and I'm not talking about the Sean Kingston song.
I just went to a chocolate syrup wrestling party I think you need to get on my level
Happy graduation...we are now officially unemployed alcoholics!
Managed to convince my mom that I had been home for 3 hours sleeping on the couch downstairs and this t-shirt was your dads. I am SUCH a fucking boss.
But on the up side she uprooted a whole peony plant from the hotel downtown and said, "I brought you flowers"
Just because its your birthday does not mean u can play quarters by dropping quarters into cups to make me drink.
You crossed every boundary on the boundary spectrum last night. You're like the illegal immigrant of drunk actions. No more holiday drinking for you.
As soon as they started using chocolate milk as a chaser for captain Morgan, I thought l it'd be best to leave.
I'm just gonna get real fat and join the circus.
Not sure how ur night is going, but unless u also saw a naked drunk chick pissing outside i doubt it can top mine
Also, my aunt grabbed my phone and downloaded the scriptures. Apparently I need Jesus.
you don't even have a vagina so you don't get to tell me what to put in mine
He was walking around and kept offering the neighbors flamingo lawn ornaments shots of vodka.
Randomize
