need another drink. this is the easiest way
i guess. but if i can salvage this and still somehow see you naked i feel like that's a win
I used the word aforementioned in my paper. That's an automatic A in community college.
the worst part of it wasnt him peeing on the xbox. it was when he showed me his penis and made a kissy face at me. THAT was painful.
I am kinda proud of you, its like seeing my slutty baby take its first step
We're in ER. He's high on morphine and I'm drunk. Gonna score some bed pans for jello shots.
I can't decide who is the bigger alcoholic: you for opening that bottle of wine just now or me for hearing it in the other room over the air conditioner
The funny thing is, we kinda did bring guys home cause you had a fort...
It would be awesome if I knew whose teeth these were in my pocket
How is it that I, the only one that didn't drink last night, was the only one puking out the car window?
Apparently my thong was thrown in the cornfield last night. No one will tell me why.
Im legit just salty with everyone who has a penis right now
Why can't you just be normal and get dick pics from your exes like everyone else?
I walked over and you were apologizing to him because you're lady gaga and he's not. The best part was that he forgave you.
He ate me out while I was wearing a canada goose parka and a dress hand crafted by a seamstress from yellowknife. I came while watching the northern lights. Most arctic orgasm ever.
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