you dont want to live with me, im always naked, a chronic masturbator, a bit of a voyeur and will likely touch you while you sleep. ps- i can pick locks
I am at Brians in a pirate costume, what the hell am I thinking
She bought my penis dinner and beer last night. Her words
We're getting paid a considerable amount of money to send each other pictures of our dicks...
I'd be 10x more excited if going out didn't require pants or the general giving of fucks
Well at least I still have a burrito in my pocket.
I thought I was bad, the girl next to me on the bench was feeding a bush a hamburger and introduced me. Only at lollapalooza.
My RA just sigh me high as fuck acting like a zombie and scratching at my door. Thoughts?
I just bought a blender and 120 pizza rolls. Bring tequila.
New guy moved in the apartment next door. He's a combat vet, 6'4", Adonis body and going to med school. My vagina is chewing thru the wall as we speak.
I woke up naked and surrounded by M&Ms
so the casino kicked my ass last night, i'm pretty sure i hit a new level of hungover....just showered with my sunglasses on because the bathroom light is too bright
He just chose domino's over sex. ARE YOU KIDDING ME?
he told me his feelings for me AFTER sex, so that means he meant it right?
He just flipped the beer pong table and set the ceiling fan on fire things are about to get crazy
Randomize
