My aunt just said- "pizza is like sex. Even if it ain't good it ain't bad." Obviously she doesn't know us too well.
Hopefully. Play it cool. Bust out a few jokes. Chew with your mouth closed and show your boobs.
normally i would apologize for my drunk texting but even sober me agrees.
Hey. Whatever time u wake up let me know Ur alive. I need my vegas partner... I don't think they let u take corpses on a plane.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Her inability to understand the word "moderation" is the achille's heel of an otherwise perfect human
A whole bunch of large men eating Doritos just knocked on my door and asked if they could take out my trash?
Tell me you didn't really piss in the hookah.
I got us a lift home. Payment may require me giving road head, are you cool just chilling in the back seat pretending to be oblivious to this happening?
I think they were making kool-aid in my bed. There is lots of sugar and my hands and face are stained blue.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
One good thing out of all this is her ass is huge. Like Australia Big.
Omg no. We ate a raw pumpkin last nighr. We dipped it in BBQ sauce.
You could see the bone sticking out of his shin and he insisted he was "just gunna walk it off"
Would it be rude to use my vibrator? like he forfeited his right to be mad when he left me orgasmless...right?
You wanna know what I want to eat? Questionable Mexican food before I go drink. Makes for excitement. Will I puke it up or shit my pants
My mom found me this morning passed out, face down on my dinning room floor
That must have been one awkward situation haha
Well I woke up in my bed.... I don't remember her finding me
Randomize