He's marrying her, which means that she is his most important person in the world, so you gotta deal with it...okay?
My nephew just came out playing with my moms vibrator.
I woke up next to her this morning and couldn't remember her name. Luckily, she had written it on my hand so that I could add her on facebook.
Just whacked off in the middle of writing a paper, gave me great ideas. Note, should do this more often.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I want to tell you about my weekend in person so I can see your look of judgement and disgust.
You kept saying thank you to the automatic toilet as it flushed your puke.
At least he's not married... I hate Halloween hookups
if youre pregnant and ruin my spring break i'll never forgive you.
i'm not sure when i reached "slam my own hand in the door" status but my half attached fingernail is not grateful.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i told him i should keep a toothbrush at his house for after all the times i threw up there. he said yes but i wasnt getting a key to the apt
My mom was looking at curtains for me and sent pictures and I had to be like "not the Disney princess pink and purple, more like an acid trip"
We literally solved our fight using cat pictures on Instagram. True love.
I ripped off the screen and literally supermaned through my bedroom window. That wasted
I'd climb him like a horny MILF spider monkey.
I'm still trying to figure out who shit on the coffee table. I have confirmed beyond a reasonable doubt that it wasn't me.
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