there is a homeless man oan crack poledancing on a fence... now hes humping it...
she "accidentally" hit me with her car, its almost as if she know im fucking her boyfriend.
I can't believe you're fucking in the bar bathroom, but everyone else can, and they're really proud.
And you kept repeating "I didn't know know that this was a no blow job zone."
Srsly this has gone to far. Just broke my nose on the toilet. College bars.
let's just pour the lemonade mix into the soco. cut out the middle man.
If you could smell my eyes you'd understand the whole story
Pissed along side the highway while waving at all the traffic... if thats not a sign of a productive night to come then idk what is
Couple of things: my nipples are blue and knowing that at some point I'm going to have to poop is incredibly terrifying
Please ask me to tell you about the time I watched two of my friends chase my drunk roommate with a broken foot around downtown
so dehydrated I couldn't fill the pee cup to the right line for my drug test for school. I was like sorry it was my birthday yesterday
I'm trying to get weird tonight. Like I want to see bitches crawling on all fours drinking milk from bowls and shit by 5 am. You down?
I just formed the "shit on a tree in Chicago club." And I feel awful about it.
If I could steal your goatee and hide it under my bed to keep your from wearing it, I would.
These are the things that make me so grateful... that I slept with your sister instead.
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