So I've officially decided that I AM that drunken mistake that girls hate themselves for in the morning.
did you fuck him yet?
hahaha who do you think your talking to.. a nun?
she refuses to pay for the plan b and so do i. it's the most dangerous game of chicken i've ever been involved in. but i have my pride.
at first i was worried but she assured me her frail vegan body would have no chance at conception.
Does she know that uploading nude photos to photobucket and networking are two different things? You may want to ask.
I'm going to make a mold of my tits to bake a cake for him for our anniversary.. I can see the pride in his eyes now.
Dear Penis Owner...our records show that you are overdue for servicing...please contact our friendly associates to schedule a thoroughly satisfying experience today...operators are standing by...
if I'm at school tomorrow just indulge my moment of pity and let me cry on your shoulder
yes and no. im drunk but idk if im "blow marcus" drunk. call in like an hour.
I'm a male taking pregnancy tests with every girl at the party. i have no regrets
And then he dove into my vagina like scrooge mcduck into a room of gold
I'm sitting in the shotgun seat of my car on full recline trying to pretend everything is ok
That's okay I'm failing college because I'm to busy giving over the pant handjobs in class..
Coffee's working. Just killed a fly with my bare hands.\nFuck with me.
The wine is franzia the food is cheese puffs there is a canoe full of beer and the andre glasses are mason jars glued to candle sticks. i shit you not. Best. Wedding. Ever.
Randomize
