dude I went to cubs game with my mustache, aviators, and a hooded sweatshirt. Do you think it was irony or fate that there were four 17 year old girls in front of us?
Hey man sorry I got all grabby
she farted while i was going down on her. not doing that again
ironically, his detergent was also "small and mighty"
Just got booked to do a bachelorette party for a polygamist wedding. And notice I only text you to rub things in your face and show you my life shits on yours. Daily.
i seriously wanted to pee on her right then.
Starting drinking whiskey at eight. Already had ten girls looking up my kilt to make sure I'm wearing it right.
We carried on a casual conversation about plants while I gave him a hand job.
And for some reason I just want to have sex with EVERYTHING
I was more obsessed with the sweat stain on her back that was simultaneously shaped like a vagina and the virgin Mary.
I find it fascinating that she'd be more comfortable with her mom finding out she submits dirty disney confessions on tumblr than about her secret email account she uses to chat with dutch and brazilian strangers.
She said she wanted you to slurp her vagina like a spaghetti noodle.
So there I was, eye fucking the waiter and I spilled beer all down my boobs
You said "I'm not gonna waste my last condom on you" last night.
When he was leaving this morning he said I'll text you later on and I replied with if you don't that's cool too.
Randomize
