Professor took us out for drinks. She said if I ordered the 64oz "Call a Cab," she'd give me an A. I drank it in 5 minutes. A+?
You had me at "you have a nicer rack then her"
what's the name of that soccar player i bit again?
I put labels all over the house on things I think are mine. A cactus, the dog, and a bottle of wine.
Jello bowls to the fucking face, that or ramen spiked with liq. Those are the only options in this house.
I don't believe u have enough text space to describe the dimensions of his penis.
We were playing hot potato with real potatoes at 3am
Marking my student's "don't do drugs" posters while simultaneously texting my dealer, is this what being a grown up is like?
It's been hot as balls outside. It's like getting tea bagged by the Sun.
She sprained her ankle last night trying to flash me.
answer my text you professional douchebag
and i mean that in the cutest, flirtiest way possible
It's six am and her daughter just walked in on her mom and roomful of naked people playing strip spoons. glad Im apart of that childhood memory....
Also, if asking a guy to come over and watch curling with you doesn't scream let's fuck then idk what does
He kept squeezing my butt and telling me how smart I was
I changed his name in my phone to "Irrelevant" last night. Not changing it back.
Randomize
