I think i found my new favorite workout. Go to a party where you dont know anybody and constantly walk around the house so you dont look awkward standing alone. im up to 1.8 miles
I picked my nose. Flicked it. I heard it hit something. Next thing I know, it's floating around in my wine glass.
Can we progress our friendship to a point where i'm at least granted a blowjob allowance?
The vomit I understand but how is there seaweed in my bed?
We were gonna play Truth or Dare but like 10 minutes in we decided to get naked and play Dare or Get the fuck out.
Her exstacy made her nickname everyone David. Nobody knows who the fuck she's talking to so we just say no to everything she says. She's crying.
He drives a BMW. I have to fuck him. Girl Code Rule #26.
There was a group of girls next to us. One was smiling at me. I only remember walking up and saying "oh you're Russian". Not sure where it went from there
Happiness is having a 12 hour day thinking that there are only 2 beers in the fridge when you get home, but then finding 8. Fuck you Monday, this week I won.
I just got a job offer for Australia. Unfortunately I have given the name of Whitney
He showed up to a booty call with 2 tea bags, but no condom...
Every time I try to do something productive I end up searching ghost porn.
He spent three years trying to get a chance with me and finally broke me down. then he came in two minutes and was so upset he locked himself in the bathroom so I helped myself to his weed and left. Wanna get stoned?
Thanks for making me a drunk burrito last night and cutting it into bite size pieces, I always knew you were a keeper.
Ignore him I am the one that wears the pants in the relationship while "the big man" cries in bed
Randomize
