Weren't you self-described as an 'arab' slut?
No?
Well my cheeks are red now
My mom's crying. That means it must be Christmas.
I tried to cut him off and he said "I was the president of a fraternity for 3 years, I could outdrink God."
Omg. I bid $3000 on a cave in Afghanistan on EBay last night.
all I heard when I woke up this morning was "BONG HITS FOR BREAKFAST" being yelled repeatedly.
Don't mind me. My boyfriend is carrying me because I'm broken not because I'm drunk.
It's not even 9:30 yet..
Oh please not the Easy Cheese again. That was weird.
It'll be a romanticized airport meeting until I'm judged for sitting on his face in the terminal
Just keep your throat open and beer will always find its way in.
A to Z: fucking your way through the alphabet
It'll be a kids book
so the casino kicked my ass last night, i'm pretty sure i hit a new level of hungover....just showered with my sunglasses on because the bathroom light is too bright
THIS IS NOT A LAUGHING MATTER, CAITLIN. MY PARENTS ARE FUCKING. LOUDLY.
Fuck it, I work hard. I deserve nice sex toys
Two of us got arrested. Gonna be delayed a bit. Save me a burger.
I'm pretty sure I naked in my first year of college more than I was as a baby.
Randomize
