Sorry, I have to go home and feed my nepotisms
Sorry, I can't talk, there's a herd of nepotisms headed my way
And now his mom knows I was dipping my pen in company ink
another moral hangover. fuck.
It's more exciting when they aren't single....and even better when you have to pretend that you just slept with their roommate while trying to do the walk a shame as their girlfriend comes marching into the apt.
Im not the least bit jealous of the life you lead.
What should i be more turned off about... his massive collection of condoms or that he asked me to sign my name by number 68 on the list posted on his wall?
I think the two go hand in hand.
I'm buying a pregnancy test with my lunch money. Classy.
There's a girl sitting in front of me making a PowerPoint on Jack Bauer.
The worst part of it is that he's not the first man I've fucked with 2+ chihuahua's.
Oh, and my friends believe you should reimburse me for the brazilian that was gone to waste.
Wanna tell me why vodka seeped out of the memory foam when I climbed into my bed?
he wouldn't lick chocolate syrup off of me because he's vegan. most awkward shower ever.
So I can confidently say that I'm the only 3rd year engineering student who completed all 4 of their exams with One Direction pens
When you accidentally text the wrong guy for a dick pic and your surprised you get one In return. He just got on my "to do" list
They filled a kiddie pool with lube and glitter.
Why are you hurting?
Tried to drink all the beer in Nashville last night....failed.
Randomize
