So now everyone thinks I don't know what a condom is
well I can't set my house on fire every night
I was scared of Debbie's boobs today. They were all huge and scary looking
I'm at a Rock of Love themed party. New high? New low? I can't tell.
Wait. Scratch that. It's not themed. These girls are just sluts.
There's a lady carrying her kids toy animals in a crown royal bag. Mom of the year.
we walked around the neighborhood with caution tape tied around our foreheads, making indian noises. I might have disturbed a crime scene to make a native american headdress.
He doesn't belong with God. He belongs face-down in a pile of his own excrement, vomit, blood and semen. Then pissed on by Satan.
I just woke up eating some beef jerky with my cat. I think she opened the bag for us.
I might have beaten my fastest all time record going from "I really really like this girl" to "fuck that bitch"
I got a blowjob dressed with a t shirt sweatpants and a Fanny pack. Not kidding.
He will be forever remembered as "birthday failure" ...Got him to pierce his tongue in my bathroom, but not sleep with me......
Would it be weird if I congratulated the guy who almost broke up my marriage for working on the marriage equality bill? You know, thanks for fighting for the sanctity of marriage. Weird, right?
Our drunk hook up was interrupted by the delivery guy. When he came back to my room we ate the gyros and went back to sex like we didn't take a lunch break.
She's asleep in a fisher-price toy car
Your shit was massive.
I'm not 100% sure how to respond to that.
If you were in a "who has the massivest shit contest", you'd win by a landslide.
Randomize
