No period for spring break; use this wisely.
Dude I thought this was going to suck, but moving back in with my dad is like being at a frat party every night only everyone is 40 years old.
I'm celebrating tres de junio so if you can help me find some sombreros ill be grateful. Also, today in 1992 Aborigines were granted rights to their land so I might need some boomerangs.
It' a whole new level of walk of shame. I'm carrying his sheets since I have a washer/dryer.
Look, we all have our slutty phases. Mine is just forever.
Just successfully went through airport security with shrooms. It's gonna be a fucking awesome new years
You don't understand she was in the fountain pretending she was diving for treasure. I couldn't possibly ruin her dreams.
My dick can't jump between your dick and her mouth, man. It's impossible, I think.
He got weirdly turned on by the video of my cat licking nacho cheese off my finger.
LOVE ME MORE THAN PIZZA CAN
The stripper was dressed as the green lantern. Even for a geeky girls' bachelorette party it was lame ass.
He just texted me asking for his shirt back and I said I didn't have it and then I ran into him 5 minutes later while wearing the said shirt
I was doing good, then they gave me free shots
Well, if I'm gonna go gay, it's gonna be for NPH
So I was at my annual OBGYN appointment and when she saw the bruises on the inside of my thigh she asked if I had been horse back riding...I think my burst of laughter then awkward silence answered the question for me.
Randomize
