College reaches a new low. We just carved a shot glass out of a potatoe.
i woke up with someone drivers licenses in my wallet this am...he said i don't have a business card so just take my drivers license
I cant talk about it right now or let you guess, but its something you and i would do. Kinda like that time we had the case of beer and went bowling
You hooked up with minors in a golf cart?
I am at the point where deciding not to drink alone is worth a rocky music montage in and of itself.
Be careful there's warming lubricant on the floor. I will clean and explain later.
I am NOT getting arrested in a wig.
you know it's gonna be a good 4/20 when you start saving up for it in january.
Dude she broke four ribs, how does a 110 lb girl break four of my ribs during sex?! It hurts so bad but was so worth it
Four times in one night? That Energizer bunny outfit lived up to the hype.
So I just realized I have three bananas, seven condoms, three lube packets, three tampons, and a shot glass in my bag but no pen #modelstudent
if happy hour never ends, you’ll never have to eat kale
If so I'm coming over there. There's no way I'm having "hello, how are you" conversations with my neighbors on acid
Good morning! Or after noon. Sorry for falling asleep in you
If I call him daddy should I get him a father's day card? Serious question
sometimes you just gotta rip off the nipple tape and get it done.
Randomize
