Seriously though, we're going to drink and watch Survivor first one to puke gets voted off the island
when your english prof writes "this was a real good paper" on your essay, you know you're at the wrong college
Just got walked in on during safety inspections
Think you passed?
and ill be dreaming of you. not in a creepy way, but in an inappropriate way
You should really come over right now. There's hot construction workers across the street. I'm gonna go pour beer on myself in a bikini on the sidewalk. See you in 5?
i know you like preteen girls so i'm gonna offer you some advice...dump a bucket of glitter on yourself and walk into the sunlight. they will come running.
Life is so much better when you know you're gonna get laid soon.
one of the service guys here said i licked ranch off your face lastnight
Dude you made a rodeo shot in beer pong won the game then got in the hot tub poured beer all over the side and screamed "hot tub time machine!"...
This hangover makes more sense now
Dude you were so high some kid was kicking the wall and you were convinced it was your heartbeat
It all started with sending him a text about Spongebob. It escalated from there.
Which one of you drunk assholes put a parental lock on my cable box last night? More importantly, what's the pin? I'm missing the UK game.
Dont... please don't. Don't fuck him on his bean bag bed
I really need to stop having sex.. I haven't been able to get a brush through the back of my hair for a good week and a half
I was trying to type "I just want you naked" and it put "I just want you baked"
Randomize
