would you object to me following you around all the time with a video camera and selling it to TV? Your life could make me millions.
nothing says happy new years better than a black eye from shooting yourself with a champagne bottle
Well you really should've thought of that before you painted your walls the same color as your toilet
So I'm drinking wine and watching Thumbelina
I'm teaching my cat to play fetch
Yep, it's a friday
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I woke up in solitary confinement, wheb they moved me the guy that sold me the pill of Molly at the concert was in the police waiting room, we nodded to each other.
You started throwing frozen shot glasses at people and you kept saying "it's fine, they melt."
You were visibly distraught that my boyfriend and I didn't have sex in your bed. You forced us to take your condoms.
I know it must have been a hard break up. Are you okay?
Oh yeah, I'm fine dude. My vaginas heart is broken though. I feel bad for her, you should give her a call sometime.
You raged at the rock climbing place for not selling beer and then just said "fuck it" and pulled out a flask.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Nah. After about 5 shots he decided he needed to clean the gutters. We're headed to the hospital now so meet us there.
can I cover your dick in cookie butter?
I had to switch coats with someone at work because you can see the giant sex choke bruise on my neck. Being kinky is hard.
I didn't even mind that he came early I just wanted to get eaten out and cuddle
Uh oh. Put down the vodka cancel the clowns and get rid of the donkey
He loves blowjobs.. were meant for each other.
Randomize