so evidently yelling "gay" everytime your bf tells you how he feels is cause for breakup. news to me
I've had cake for breakfast the past 3 days. You tell me how bikini season is going.
and this is why we should make december sharting awareness month.
I just want to make mistakes. Like stds that go away with antibiotics mistakes.
Biggest penis I've ever pity fucked
A three fingered guy just showed up with fireworks and bourbon, tonight will be entertaining.
I learned 3 things lastnight....1. Turkeys are related to the t-rex. 2. Whales have leg bones cause they used to walk. 3. I will sing drunk in the waffle house, but not during karaoke in the bar
i'm having taco bell mild sauce and tums for breakfast because i'm hungover and thats all i can find. it's like thanksgiving up in here
I think I died last night. I had 14 beers..well 13 1/2 if you count the one that got spilled on the baby in the elevator.
He showed up at my door at 3 AM wearing a Santa hat with a tiara attached.
I always thought The Big Bang Theory wasa terrible show but that was before it came with blowjobs and pizza.
Driving you two to the party with a keg belted into the back seat has given me a brief glimpse of parenthood. I am now more resolved than ever to never breed, so thanks for that.
im in DESPERATE NEED OF A COMPANION RIGHT NOW I’M MOTHER FUCKING TRIPPING SOLID GOLD BALLS
Why the fuck am I at this dorm meeting? I don't pay $50,000 a year to stay sober.
Its 7am I'm awake still drunk, there is food, random clothing and road cone in my room. I can't decide if this is a failure or a success???
Randomize
