Do you think if I drink bleach they will let me leave work?
I just got hit by a car. I'm fine; I'll be to the bars in about 15
Just washed my feet between classes in the bathroom...Four girls totally judged me...
My new excuse for sleeping with him was in celebration of his cat's birthday.
Dudeeeee, i ordered strippers for my party.
I ordered a moonbounce.
Fuck, you win.
Dude how the fuck are we gonna get the lawnmower outta the pool?
I've decided that my night was probably over when I started eating the penne vodka with my hands.
after you left he started opening his bottles by smashing the neck against the edge of the fireplace and pouring beer into his mouth. it was about the manliest thing ive ever seen. its probably how lumberjacks open their beers... if they didnt have their axes handy.
The bathroom smells like ribs. What did you do?
call me with an emergency in 5 min. This chick has a strap on hangin behind the bathroom door.
man my uterus needs to drop the egg or GTFO, BUUUSHIT
he just fluffed my hair and told me I had to dance with him because we were both gingers.
Fly, little bird! Repopulate the ginger race!
handcuff keys just fell out of my bra....wtf happened last night?
He gave me a back massage while we were fucking.
Did you get that?
WHILE WE WERE FUCKING.
Do u believe in the possibility of big foot?
You high??
Randomize
