Booyah. Found 8000 pesos in my closet and that's apparently 608 US dollars
"Hung over, tired and having a faint scent of some body butter and random pieces of glitter from a girl named gigi, almost arrested in drug bust, $40 Canadian in my pocket and all i got was this lousy Tshirt" shirts dont exist, but they need to
Ohmy god im about to fuxk my TA. i thyought this was a dream but i love you. <3
I feel like all of the victims from Seven. Best birthday weekend ever.
The number of injuries I get impersonating Shakira while drunk is getting ridiculous. Sprained vagina, dude.
He ate me out in the forest at that park we used to hit my bong in highschool again, somehow this isn't what I pictured being 25 would be like
Only you would have a vasectomy while you're awake and report on the soundtrack first
Promise me you will not let me do anything sexual with or to a mini horse no matter how drunk we get. Ever.
Mike passed out early so we kept filling his mouth with redi-whip and letting the dog lick it out, but he started getting hives so we stopped.
I actually had to apologize for "being too aggressive about harry potter"
What happened?
New Orleans
Every time
...I watched him run on the beach yesterday and I think I started ovulating
I'm not sure if I should pay him or he should pay me, but someone should get paid for the sex I had this morning.
He’s really fucking cute. Like, I want his penis in my mouth cute.
I wasn’t trying to be creepy it just happened
I’m beginning to think that’s your defining personality trait.
Randomize
