did u get his digits?
yes his name is chazbangbangbang according to my phone...
I'm cooking a can of baked beans on the baseboard heater. It is too early in the semester to be this poor.
It would be celebrated in history as "the orgasm heard round the world"
He was spoon feeding me wine all night.
I cant help but love a girl who informs me of the pregnancy test results by emailing me a YouTube clip of Barney Stinsons not a fathers day speech.
Random girl at this party just gave me a lap dance in a la-Z-boy. Night significantly improved.
Please don't be alarmed by the blood on my arms and phone in the morning. It's not mine.
This is your monthly public service announcement that sexual services will temporarily cease from Wednesday night to Monday. Please plan accordingly and have a nice day =D
What about.....a game of twister and....wait..nevermind. I've hit my cap for sexualizing things today.
To be so small, the mini-horses are exceptionally aggressive. And fast. Very, very fast.
Abort! Abort! He almost bit off a finger!
He always tells me he misses my clit. I feel like I should make a drinking game out of it
I keep jumping up and down in front of the mirror naked. The only motivation I would be to stop and put clothes on is if you come over. Hurry.
I really just want to eat 20 mcnuggets and slap everyone with the box when I'm done.
A guy in a gorilla mask got blown on the lawn. And then the night got weird.
Happy 4 year arrest-aversary! I promise no thanksgiving has been as eventful as that one haha..
Randomize
