You feel like going out tonight?
Does a 14yr-old girl look good beat up? I'll bring the handle
Text me right after you finish, I want to know how the ghetto fleshlight worked out
How about I just call you while I'm doing it so you can hear my reaction?
dude it was like an art museum there were boobs everywhere
There's a hand-carved wooden bong in my backpack, and i really wish i could remember last night now.
i threw up in a box in my own lap driving today.
We're knee deep in HJ's right now.
High enough to ask the woman at best buy if she ever feels like she's swimming. and telling the man outside that he smells like happy juice.
No it was good. I serenaded the holding cell occupants with a fabulous rendition of Making Love out of Nothing at all. It was fucking amazing!
Instead of more alcohol, I decided to drink tea. Lets slow clap it out for me
He told me he loved me and then peed his own bed. So at least it was a memorable one night stand.
Checking my Tinder matches as I sit here in the waiting room at Planned Parenthood. I can't be stopped.
I think we ended 5-7 relationships as well this weekend...so another good stat
I want to eat a stick of butter
Did your pain meds kick in?
It tastes nice
i just got hit by a door and im the one that said im sorry, yeah im drunk.
And it only took a fake engagement ring, a condom and a bowl of weed
Randomize
