he doesn't have near as many excuses as you..and his are usually pretty legit. like "i'm having a baby." that's pretty legit.
Better skin, bigger boobs.. Birth control is INCREASING my chance of getting pregnant because people actually want to have sex with me now.
he would probably call me "ma'am" when he's inside me. people love saying weird shit inside me.
do you have any idea how expensive it is to have the munchies at Disneyland?
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Is there anything medically wrong with drinking beer from a vagina?
How did the beer even get there in the first place?
That's not what's important right now
I told her you were a premature ejaculator. She nodded and said "Really? Wow, how long's he been a Pilot for?"
you are both the best and worst wingman ever.
Why have her stay eight hours when I only last eight minutes?
I have no idea how I got home or why I am naked but I assume I owe you a thank you...
Nope, sorry. Already took my bra off. All down hill from here. My next act will be crying, singing, and eating girl scout cookies in the shower. You can come watch the shit show though.
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We are going to need a water proof camera with a flash....exit routes....lots of booze.....and a tutu for good measure
PS: I just woke up from my shower
That's why you bone lesbian cage fighters and 45 year olds. To make life less boring.
Let's just say that I took off my pants and I had superman boxers on. Then she took off her pants and she had batman panties on. I think she's the one!
Apparently the girl he banged in the bathroom yelled at him for hitting on me all night. But whatever, he was holding her hand for most of it
I should have known when she mixed malibu and V8. It smelled just like tanning oil and when she drank it she said "Oh well, not the first time."
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