apparently the officer said last night, "son, why don't you do yourself a favor and spread your legs so you don't keep vomiting on them". why can't I remember those nights?!
i just used google streetview to figure out where i spent the night last night
Eating in charleston sc at a seafood place called "hymans". Like normal I had no problem finding it.
You told him how lucky he was to be an elephant and kept trying to grab his "trunk"
then you put baby powder on the bottom of your feet and walked to your room so "ladies would follow the footprints"
We totally just fucked in a closet. These vacations with his family are causing creativity I never thought I had.
if tampons were more like dildos the world would be a better place
I ate the snowman's head. That is not a drug euphemism.
who has that picture of us looking like alcoholics at the zoo?
This is stressing me out. I feel like I need to eat the dick.
I just had my first non-cocaine-induced nosebleed for the first time in 2 years. This calls for a celebration.
So is there a reason your dad is passed out naked in my shower? P.S. Congrats on the family dong.
I didn't get it..
I'm sorry. But to the original question please.
Zach, it's Lisa from work. Was that you yeiling BALLS DEEP at me on I-25 or is it just something about me that invites that from rando creeps?
I just explained my sex life to the "if you give a moose a muffin" book... Is that weird?
Stop it with the monkey emojis. It's like sexting with Curious George
Randomize
