i wonder why nobody wants to date me...im doing a crossword at work and asked out loud: whats a 4 letter word for 'a reason to get married?'
i was like PREG?
i may or may not be hanging out with a boxer who has a daughter tonight. and he just spelled "honestly" like "onistly". He has prob taken a few too many hits to the head but he's hot at least.
part of it is the fact that im problem drinking, and the other part is my OCD wont let me leave the bottle half-empty.
the realtor just asked me if i've ever made meth on this property.... i need to do something about my hair
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'll be there in 5 min. If not, read this again.
Youre on making sure I dont black out around fat chicks duty
Puked up what appears to be battery acid next to the treadmill. Everyone noticed.
We talk about tequila and blow jobs the way that normal people talk about the news and the weather.
I find it worrying that she bit me in bed. Then proceeded to write her name in bite marks. All without ever losing the rhythm of our fucking.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Someone was asleep on the couch next to us and woke up. We paused and he yelled "gentlemen, behold! Sex!"
About to go out with the girl of my dreams tonight. I am looking at one of her hottest fb pics, to practice not looking at her huge tits.
Omg just opened my passenger side door and my outfit from last night is on the floorboard.
Just did body shot off a midget. Pretty good start.
You said, "I'll have this whole island inside of you by 6 AM. Just point out who you want and I'll make it happen."
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
Randomize