The next morning she woke up and asked who I was and where she was.
You were so drunk that some guy dressed as Harry Potter pointed his wand at you and screamed "Accio SHITSHOW"
was this before of after we tobbganned into that tree?
Just had to throw up on the floor of my car during traffic on the way to work. Car next to me saw both times. Found the downside to having a job right after graduation.
Call me when you get back form court. Hopefully its not later than noon. Just remember..win or lose we still booze.
I'm gonna tie him up and fart in that pathetic excuse for a mustache
I'm looking at some sugar baby profiles to get some insight on what we're up against.
You know what the worst feeling in the world is? Sitting in your 6pm AA meeting still hungover from the night before
There are days when you go to throw something in your bedroom trash can and realize the only things in there are a used condom, a Lime-arita can and a muffin wrapper.
I came home wearing somebody's thong. If you're missing one message me privately.
I just had to explain to a 5 year old why I had fuzzy handcuffs hidden in a macaroni box under my bed.
After an hour of searching for my pants, we had three people looking. They were finally found in the oven.
I came home braless and wearing a tail....
But I am still fully ok with my life choices as long as the consequences aren't onesies and pacifiers
I just broke a sweat masturbating on a Friday night. I may need a boyfriend.
Randomize
