Is your liver wearing a sombrero yet?
No...more like a life jacket.
I dont remember anything after Tequila & Apple Juice. May have disovered the recipe for mental bleach.
i keep walking around campus wondering if anyone is as stoned as i am
After I tried for five minutes to hang my beer from the coat hanger in the bathroom , I have realized I am drunk
just once i'd like the "right thing" and the "topless thing" to be the SAME THING
Upside of a two-day migraine: thanks to a prominent "E" in the middle of every pill, I think we can totally pass off Excedrine Migraine as ecstasy to stupid, drunk freshman. This is totally going to happen. That entrepreneurship course is paying off.
And at least you didn't have a dinner of Ranch Pringles and Double Stuff Oreos. I forgot that part of being single.
He put crushed up bacon in the joint and now we're listening to the Matilda soundtrack I have no idea what's going on
The trick will be getting hammered before we get to the first bar
Challenge accepted
How bad would it be if I asked him for my "ho ho ho" thong back? They're my fav christmas pair!
You blacked out at 9:30 and insisted on sleeping in the hallway after you chugged an entire pitcher of beer. I guess the Jell-O shots were stronger than we thought...
Our prom king just sent me a dick pic. I know it's 10 years later but I feel like I've finally made it.
I changed his name in my phone to "Irrelevant" last night. Not changing it back.
I am rewearing my dress from last night. I only wore it for like two hours before fucking. And I took it off first so no cock contact. This is my new standard of cleanliness.
I'm at the fucking ritz Carlton and I would leave here to cuddle with her. Not even fuck, just cuddle. What th hell is wrong with me?
I think it's called love, bro
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