period poops. best. ever.
omigod im sitting here with ben and he and i both got that...chick you totally just mass texted that...
Met some locals. They are taking me to a place where there is topless bullriding. I love this country.
We found you naked curled up in a ball in the closet, using a gorilla suit as a blanket
you pulled down your pants to convince a girl you were god
Fate is real! that hot chick, Megan just showed up dressed as jasmine and I'm dressed as Aladdin this is going to be cake
it says 'tasty bitch' in sharpie on my tits...
I'm convinced that the Christmas lights in my room contributed to the great sex.
All my interactions with my brother are drug deals at this point
If I had a penis, I'd want to put it in you. And I'd treat you with respect and pay for your drinks.
I found a guy who will take me to the Olive Garden and he is CONVENTIONALLY ATTRACTIVE.
I noticed while having sex on Friday that I have great endurance. CrossFit works.
the only thing she has in her apt so far is toilet paper and shot glasses. you can see where the priorities lie.
He said it only counts if it ends up on the internet
Getting food poisoning after eating at work was the cherry on top of my "Welcome back to real life" sundae.
My sinuses still burn from snorting red wine last night.
Randomize
