Maryland truck stops are full of people with killer mustaches
girl is pretty boring. i'm gonna see if she'll let me finger her.
I was blowdrying my hair this morning and I swear to god it smelled like franzia
he even offered to make my bed in the morning.
We got a Christmas tree, decorated it to surprise his wife And kids who were out of town for her father's funeral, then fucked like rabbits on their new mattress before he had to pick them up at the airport.
It went alright, nothing too special, just got threatened with a knife by our server.
Should we start at nine like normal people or now like alcoholics?
I'm hiding in a cabinet. I'm going to stay here.
Yeah man i woke up and only had a Jimmy John's wrapper covering myself..
Guy just came in wearing only shorts, on his hand was written - my name is ... Call ... And tell them where i am, thanx - in permanent marker, ordered his favorite dish, and left w/out touching it. It's snowing outside.
I'm trying to seductively eat these M&M's to let her know its on
I'm not entirely sure how getting 'house drunk' turned into us getting trashed, being serenaded by karaoke and going out. But it needs to happen again.
Denim handjobs are the worst handjobs. I hate all handjobs. Why do people even.
Just showered and cleaned every bit of sex off of me cuz i have a feelin my stepmom has jesus powers and would be able to smell it on me
Why do so many fanfic writers want to see hockey players get pregnant?
Randomize
