I'm so drunk I cant read cursive anymore.
so i just calculated it and i would need to score 150% on this final to pass
I'm stoned and have been watching so many cartoons that I changed the channel and real people were on, and it scared me
The pine trees are waving at me.
Put the pipe down honey.
Hi trees.
YOU GOT KICKED OUT OF FIVE GUYS LAST NIGHT FOR THROWING PEANUTS AT THE PEOPLE WHO WORK THERE?!
correction: escorted out
I'm trying to find candidates for my winter break hook up. I'm going to hold auditions thanksgiving break.
He stopped in the middle of us having sex and asked "is today Monday?" then went even faster
I've discovered the best way to avoid rehab is to not fuck fat chicks when your drunk, therefore delaying regrets and rock bottom
your the Dr. Phil in my life
Today is an unchanging day
So just what does one wear when attending a sex toy party with ones mother-in-law?
Jeans and a nice top.
I enjoy the level of friendship we have achieved until you ask me to determine what may or may not be gentile warts via iphone pic
You are the epitome of what awesome would taste like.
She deleted me on Facebook. I think it's safe to say that she knows I fucked him now.
My mom purposely got me drunk so I can stay at her house bc "we don't spend enough time together." I blacked out anyway, so we didn't spend time together regardless.
But then our conversations are like black box recordings. Just the stuff you hear when the plane is going down
Replacing my paralegal is easy. Replacing my favorite office fuck toy is a totally different story. Damn him for wanting to better himself instead of being my manwhore
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