Bonnaroo quote of the day: "why the fuck am i pregnant?!?!" - exclaimed loudly by random hippie.
the people of mcdonalds are all starring at me & this dude like they know we just slept together
You took shots of captn out of a empty percocet bottle, i just saw you fall threw the floor of rock bottom.
nothing says happy new years better than a black eye from shooting yourself with a champagne bottle
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Always thought my first night in jail would consist of fire and a bunny suit.
There's a high school volleyball camp on campus this summer. I'm definitely going to jail.
mid-sex i was thinking.. these are not the right balls slapping me
i will be the first lesbian to ever fail women's studies.
I have a strict rule of what enters my vajay. It's either sparkly, or human. Anything else and I draw the line. Standards.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I blew him while watching the aristocats. There were singing cats in the background. I think he he hummed along at one point.
If I have to go to the hospital, at least put my pants back on. It's been a fantastic night.
Look, when i woke up this morning, I had every intention of being a responsible twenty-five year old, cleaning up, making my budget, and filing my taxes. Its just I got siderailed by pot and downloading classic Disney songs, because fuck adulthood; everyone loves Disney.
Its official... I need to stop being so slutty.. the guy I had sex with on friday delivered my jimmy johns tonight.
He just sent me a picture of multiple chickens eating in his kitchen... should I be worried
Or is it distressingly heterosexual?
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