weak ass sauce last night. waste of time. you suck. ps. your boobs are fake
I couldn't accept the bj. My penis has done nothing wrong and didn't deserve the punishment of her face.
Within 5 minutes of max walking in his pants were off and he was wearing my snow goggles as underwear.
I spent an hour trying to convert bar outfits to church outfits. Its hard.
Hey. Can you be so hung over that you get a rash?
Maybe you should start carrying pepper spray. You are like the Justin Bieber of lesbians.
Jesus christmas you are like the Martha Stewart of threeway planning
When she introduced her friend to me I shook his hand and told him not to leave his ugly vest at my apartment in the morning. He took it off and bought me a shot.
So we hooked up and then instead of texting me, he endorsed me on LinkedIn for Microsoft Word a few days later
He took my Spanx off and still fucked me twice. I call that success.
Yeah I either headbutted a street sign while texting or I defended you two from an evil gang of nazi muggers. I was black out so I am gonna assume it was option b.
His PENIS is so fucking big that I always use caps, out of respect.
Are you still passed out in my back seat, or do I need to come find you?
I get so pissed when there is something that NEEDS to be made fun of and you're not here.
My dad just informed me that I may be entitled to $1700 worth of stimulus money... looks like that hitachi is coming sooner than later. Let's hope for the best!
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