Dude i fell asleep inside of her
thats awesome
oh my god im such an asshole. i just asked the guitarist of bad religion if he was a scalper.
Someone should've told Pope jumper lady and terrorist pants guy that the Worst of 2009 lists already went out....
Have you ever looked at the 750mL bottle of wine on the seat next to you knowing that it's just not going to be enough?
Each and every day.
I just miserably failed my own drug test. At least I know what a positive will look like when I give them to the employees tomorrow.
you humped every kiosk in the store. then you asked for an application.
my six pack is really starting to show since I started fucking everything that moves
I cannot for the life of me remember why I am holding this rabbit.
Idgaf if he's a manwhore, he's like the mt. everest of penises. howcan I NOT try to put that inside me?
Dude, fuck the siberian warm up. You can't put vodka in hot chocolate. Learn from my mistakes
Jsyk, in serious talks of trading blowjobs for soup in bed. I'm sober
Are you still feeling it? I'm in the bathtub. The water doesn't work but it's okay because I'm wearing pants.
I'm floating on a 30mph cloud right now not giving a fuck
Was it you I was with where I saw a guy open a beer with his butt?
I made him watch the first 5 episodes of Game of Thrones before I decided to sleep with him.
Randomize
