you need to do more things constructive for your career. like wearing pants more often.
you were on ground yelling about how close the floor was to your face.
man, work is way more interesting with these acid flashbacks.
Operation liquormelon is in full effect. We may die tonight.
I'm at the point in my life where I'm trying to get guys I've fucked to give a ride to guys I'm going to fuck.
I was expecting a blowjob when she shoved me in the bathroom but instead she shaved my pubes into a mustache for my penis. I am still satisfied.
yeah she's crazy. she fought a possum in my alley because it was "being a cagey little cunt"
Have you ever looked death in the face and have the urge to shit yourself. I'm in that situation right now.
Margaritas just taste better when they're bigger than your head
How the fuck did we end up at a strip club last night.. We started the night playing bingo at a church
Like tbh you're not doing anything that screams I'm drunk and yet nothing says I'm going to spend $30 on McDonalds and make out with a stranger like that picture
I'm surronded by jorts. You're probably too drunk to care. I'm gonna cry now. Love you.
Listen all we did was not even pretend we aren’t each other’s type and live together and constantly encourage each other to get laid for 6 months.
Idk how it devolved into us fucking.
Just waxed 95% of the hair off my vag. If he doesn't enjoy this tonight, you will, whether you like it or not.
Idk what's worse.... Yesterday not waking up in my bed or today waking up in the hello kitty gown.
Randomize
