I can only masturbate in one position. It's very inconvenient.
I was pretty stoned. I thought I needed a seatbelt at the restaurant.
"Does your mom know how big your cock is?" Worst dirty talk I've ever had.
i just shit on the floor of my room. my roommate was in the bathroom, my choices were limited.
I just want you to know that were having pizza delivered to the emergency room
whoever threw up in my shampooo bottle is totally getting defriended on facebook.
i tried to stop you. you just kept saying your split ends needed punishment.
Just checked an empty cooler on the flight to Notre Dame. You don't have to tell me you're jealous, I already know.
So I walk in and he's teaching someone in London via Skype how to roll a blunt. I have new found respect for him.
Remember when puke and rally meant a good time? Fuck pregnancy
I was wasted and the time changed. I blame the male strippers.
You were fine, but your knee injury definitely came from interpretive dancing like a gay fairy with lead wings all around the Mission St BART. Everyone thought you were on drugs.
We had sex six times. In a span of 8 hours. Confirmation I don't need to go to the gym.
I'm not coming to work today because tequila
It's the kinda thing that makes you wanna buy a rainbow flag and fight republicans and kiss girls
I have bruises everywhere an I broke the lamp. So ya I'd considerate rough sex.
Randomize
